Weird Elmer

I have this friend, her name is Weird Elmer. Yeah, I call her weird for many reasons. Here are some of them. 

One day, when we were playing on my grandfather's grave, trying to dig him up, Weird Elmer scolded me and told me not to do it! I knew she was wrong. Why wouldn't we? I craved sugar and gramps always said he had a sweet tooth. I wanted to take it from him. Why can he have one and not me! I can't afford candy; I live in a sewer! Elmer told me that this was wrong, and I'm out of my mind for thinking about it. I ignored her, obviously, because she's crazy! I don't even know why I still talk to her, and look at my tooth! See? It's gold!

Another time a kid took my pencil to try and play a rude joke on me. He needed to understand that I don't joke around. I was just about to stab him in his stubby neck when Weird Elmer yelled, "STOP," and pulled my arm away. She wasn't strong enough. I followed through and lurched my pencil into his jugular. 

Now, as I stare at my bitter reflection in the hospital mirror, I can only realize that Elmer's not the weird one. I am.

(Weird Elmer was Elmer's conscience. Elmer Johnson took her own life shortly after writing this. She will be missed.)