My desperate endeavor to find my whoever

9) Get with the 21st century, grandma!

Erin

Dear dad,

I have no idea when this will reach you, but I hope it's pretty damn soon. The US postal service isn't exactly the best - according to Alex anyway - but combine that with Royal Mail...

Anyway, just thought I'd let you know how it's been going. I'm sorry I haven't been ringing you much recently, but my bill came through at over £300 the other day! I was gobsmacked! But Alex says he can arrange something a little cheaper for me, so I'll keep you posted.

Tour's going to be great. All of the bands are so friendly, and their crews are too. My new boss Adam is amazing, you'd love him! I think I'll be working in the UK with him soon so I'll bring him to meet you.

I found Alex. THE Alex. Met Peter and Isobel again and everything. But I found him, dad. After 18 years we're finally back together, like two peas in a pod. You know his band? His band is the one I'm touring with. I know it all seems too good to be true, but I swear dad, it is. We're closer than ever before, which I didn't think would be possible so soon.

I'll let you know when I'm coming home. Love you, daddy

Erin

Xo

"Alex stop!" I giggled, shrugging away as he tickled me again.

"You're cute when you're scared." he chuckled, breath ghosting on my neck.

"I wasn't scared, you arse." I tutted. "I'm trying to write a letter to my dad, and you fucking kept tickling me so I've fucked up."

"Pft, letters." he scoffed. "Get with the 21st century, grandma!"

"It's more personal," I said, tilting my head slightly as I looked down at the letter in adoration. "I like being a little bit old school."

Alex shrugged. As he walked away, he took a slice of pizza, rolled it up and pretty much swallowed it whole. He's such a pig. Turning my attention back to the letter, I realised that it was as good as it possibly could be, so I sealed the envelope up and scribbled our address on the front. Sebastian was curled up at my feet, so I gently picked him up and placed him on Alex's bed. When I stood up he looked up at me, his tiny bear-like face begging me not to leave him on his own, I rubbed behind his ears. He lay back down again and a small snore erupted as I went downstairs again. Alex was currently in the process of finishing packing up his ex-girlfriend's stuff. They broke up while he was in Australia and she only left the day after he got back. I only know that because I was with him. She glared at me as I got out of his car, while I simply sent a weak smile her way and brought Alex's stuff inside. I don't know what he sees in me; I'm nothing on her. She's absolutely beautiful - if I were a guy I wouldn't say no - and, from what Isobel told me, she seemed to get in with all of his family and friends. Why am I complaining? I found the one person besides dad and Will who actually meant something to me.

"Bitch." tutted Alex, pulling something out of the box he was currently checking.

"Something wrong?" I asked coming into the room.

His focus remained on the box, a pained expression taking over his face. "She basically tore everything up that was in our memory box," he said sadly.

"Your what?" I guffawed.

"Our memory box," he repeated. "Every single photo of me and Lisa, every physical copy of the good times we've had together since we met. She started this when we first split up because she missed me." Alex laughed bitterly. "I doubt she did all the other times she left me."

"Don't beat yourself up about it," I said quietly, rubbing his arm. "If you really meant so much to her, she wouldn't have done this. The way she thinks about you has obviously changed. You've still got all your friends though, that's the main thing."

"You're right." he sighed. "It's just when you've been in an on-off relationship with the same person for so long, you don't know what to do when they're not with you anymore. It's like-"

"Like you're lost." I continued, staring at the ground. "Like you're lost, you have no one around. You spend so much time trying to find them again, or even someone like them, just so you feel whole again." I looked up; Alex was looking at me, a puzzled look on his face. "I was the same after you left. I tried so hard to find another friend like you, but it wasn't the same. Nobody was the same as you. Okay, I managed to find a friend in Gemma, but when she died I had nobody."

"Gemma died?!" exclaimed Alex.

I nodded. "OD'd when we were 17," I told him.

"Why?"

"Her mum," I said bitterly.

"Gemma's mom was always a bitch." he tutted. "I never liked that woman. She was awful. But I can't believe she drove Gemma to that. Erin, I'm sorry."

I looked up quickly again. "Why are you sorry?"

"For leaving you with nobody to watch out for you." He sighed. "I was the same when we actually got here. I cried every day because I wanted you here. One day I even packed all my stuff again and told my parents I was going back to England." he laughed, cringing at the memory. "But then I met Jack. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I finally felt like somebody understood me in this damn place. But, over time, I realised he could never replace you. I told him about you and he's always wanted to meet you. He told me he loved the way I spoke about you and-"

I snapped out of my little daze. "And what?"

"Nothing." he said quickly, a light blush painting his cheeks.

"Do I look fucking stupid?" I said bluntly. "Fucking say it."

He took a deep breath. "When we got older - I'm talking like 15, 16 here - he knew I loved you. Jack always said that me and Lisa were never really right for each other. He knew there was something in me that wanted you by my side instead of her. I only wish I'd realised it sooner."

We couldn't look at each other. I'd always loved Alex - as way more than a best friend - and it drove me crazy knowing that I could never tell him. But this was my moment. He'd admitted he felt the same, now all I has to do was say "Samesies" and we'd live happily ever after. Okay well, maybe not 'happily'. The thing is, I physically couldn't open my mouth and words couldn't come out. I kept stuttering and opening and closing my mouth like a fucking goldfish repeatedly. Alex was staring at me, practically begging me to say it. He knew I felt the same.

"Erin," he said quietly, grabbing my hand. "I love you."

"I love you too," I said almost instantly; my lips forming a smile as I realised what I'd said.