Beautiful Mess | jb

Chapter 7 - Berlin with Mama

The next day I woke up at 6am to my alarm ringing relentlessly. I got up, took a shower and got ready for the day. My mum was picking me up at 7.30am to drive up to Berlin and buy some furniture for my new flat. I was gonna move to Berlin in about a month, but had a two-week vacation planned with Lexie before that which didn't give me much time for decorating which is why my mum agreed to go with me. I had already packed a couple of boxes we would take with us.

As I put away my muesli bowl my phone went off which would be my mum telling me she arrived. I opened the door for her and we carried my boxes downstairs to the car together. When we were all done we started our little roadtrip. I agreed to drive the first half. We would take a coffee break and switch later.

"How was your weekend, love?" My mum asked me. Um, what can I tell her. "Didn't you meet up with Felicia and Isabelle?"

"Yeah, I did. We went to Vapiano on Sunday. A couple of their friends joined us as well. It was fun - we had a really good time." I told her with a smile looking straight ahead.

"That sounds good." My mum smiled at me. "Anything else happen?"

"No, not really." I lied. "I went out with the girls on Friday. Other than that nothing major." I informed her. "What were you guys up to?"

"Well, your brother had a friend over from boarding school and -"

I cut her off "Oh yeah - I remember" I recalled her telling me.

"And your father and I went out for dinner with your uncles to discuss the nana-situation." My grandma was moving to a residence soon, however, she really didn't want that. Over the summer her condition got worse and she couldn't live by herself anymore even if she wanted to. Nana always believed she could and she was capable but that was more wishful thinking than a realistic assessment.

"And?" I asked mum about their conversation.

"Well, she still doesn't like the idea and we are all scared she might not take the move well and get even worse, but there is no other way really." She thought about it for a sec. "I wished things were better, but the situation is how it is and we can't change it. We all want what's best for her after all." I knew this topic moved her deeply. Mum was always discussing this and talking about it and that was the best proof it was always on her mind. She worried about nana. It was her mother after all and she had done a lot for her kids. It was time to let go, though. And my nana's wishes were taking a toll on all of us. Her living at home again would put my mother through hell as she would have to take care of her every day. She would always have to be ready to drop everything in an instant and that was very unsettling. I wanted better for my mum. I still cared about nana and I wished she was still doing better, but ignoring this and taking it out on other people wasn't really the way to go here.

"I know." I agreed with mum. "I know she isn't going easy on you guys and I know it's hard, but you have to remain strong over this. She can't keep doing this to you, messing with your life, using you. You need to live your own life. This is too much. Just trust in god, or whatever you believe in, that this is the only right decision and whatever happens is supposed to happen that way no matter what you decide." I tried to reassure her. She felt guilty all the time and it was hard for me to see that.

After our talk, mum drifted off to sleep for 1,5 hours and I was glad she could get some rest. My thoughts drifted to Justin. He was probably still asleep in Paris. I smiled at that thought.

At around 10am Mum and I stopped for coffee and a cigarette after that it was her turn to drive. "I can still drive, you know, if you want me to. I'm not that tired actually." I offered. I knew she didn't like driving long-distance.