Beautiful Mess | jb

Chapter 13 - "Can we talk?"

While Justin was in the bathroom taking a shower I was sitting on the couch talking on the phone with Felicia checking in and first and foremost in desperate need of some advice. Though Justin and I were both acting like nothing ever happened, I could sense that the atmosphere between us had changed. That worried me, because before we were just easy-going and goofing around and now there was this vibe. It probably was just a truck load of insecurity radiating off of each of us, because no one really knew how to act after how things had been.

I knew it was my fault. I shouldn't have turned him down so many times. My insecurities were getting the better of me and I was afraid they would ruin this whole thing completely if I didn't do something quick.

"...so Justin was gonna take me out for dinner, but I asked if we could stay indoors because of the press and all. He didn't exactly love the idea but went along with it. Apparently he ordered some room service for us to have here. We're still treating this like a dinner date though, that was his condition. So I need advice and a lot of it! I am so nervous.." I trailed off.

"First of all that's a good thing. He must like you if he still goes through with this after what happened. You need to understand that you make him insecure by pushing him away which is essentially what you're doing." She explained. "Try seeing things from his perspective. He flew you in, spends all his free time with you of which he probably doesn't have a lot of and you keep going back and forth with him."

"I know. I don't mean to do that. It's just... I'm scared, Felicia. I don't wanna get hurt. It happened way too many times and I'm scared that the next time that happens I will shut down completely." I had tears in my eyes at that realization. "I hate to do these things to him, but I'm not doing that for fun. Part of me is insecure as hell and the other part is scared to get hurt." I sighed. I was lost. "What am I gonna do?"

"First of all, breathe. Make sure you're confident tonight. What were you gonna wear?"

"I was gonna wear that VS lingerie half-corset, because I feel really good in it. It makes my boobs look really good. Then a simple black tank-top, beige floaty leather blazer and black pants. I was gonna blow dry my hair so it's fluffy, Red lipstick and black and gold jewelry. I think you saw me in that before. Whatcha think?" I told her excitedly.

"That sounds really good. I like the way you talk about it. You'll feel comfortable and that's good. With the rest, maybe you should be honest with him and explain why you did what you did. I know that requires a certain level of trust and I don't know if you are there yet, but it would be fair and honest. I'm pretty sure he'll understand and maybe it also helps if you keep acting this way in the future then he'll understand better, too." I listened carefully to her, but stayed quiet contemplating what Felicia had just said.

Before I could answer Justin returned from the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. Gosh, that sight never got old. I smiled at him genuinely and he returned that smile as he walked toward me.

"Oh my god. He just got out of the bathroom only wearing a towel. I'm dying. haha" I told Felicia and was glad Justin wouldn't understand as we were talking in german. I giggled into the phone along with Felicia.

"Say hi to the twins for me!" Justin told me continuing to the bedroom to get dressed. How did he know who I was on the phone with?

"Justin says hi." I told Felicia in english to let Justin be part of the conversation. "Say hi back." she told me.

"Felicia says hi back!" I shouted toward the bedroom. Justin briefly peeked out of the bedroom smiling still not wearing more than that towel. He quickly returned to rummaging through his things and I went on to continue my conversation with Felicia.