she doesn't love me || kjd

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"hi um excuse me, uh do you know this girl?"
i address the man, silently cursing at how badly i'm handling the situation.

the man's too drunk to form a coherent sentence. i have two options. punch the fuck out of him or
too late
he's already wreathing in pain.
guess i punched a little too hard.
i grab seolri's arm and we make a break for it.

seolri explained how she was coming back from a shift from the bar when a drunkard took the liberty of trying to claim her as his prostitute.
"i would've mistaken you for the ahjumma selling expired kimbap at the corner store to be honest... or maybe the dish washer in minseok's cafe."
i say, taking note of the washing up gloves still on her hands. she must have only just noticed too as she bursts out laughing.
"i'm flattered."

if you ignore the dark circles, seolri doesn't look old. she just acts it when she's overworked herself, you can tell. part time jobs clearly don't mix well with med school students.
"don't overwork yourself, okay kiddo?"
"yuup. thank you so much for today, free drinks on me next time. i'll hook ya up real good."
she giggles and my phone buzzes.
a text from seyeon.
shit.

the next day, it happened for a third time.
i waiting in the car for seyeon to finish work.
it was raining.

and as she opens the door to sit in the passenger seat, i notice that she was drenched.

"why didn't you bring an umbrella, dummy?"
i throw my jacket at her.

"the weather lady lied to me!" she huffed.
her cute face was a little flushed and she was out of breath from running to the car.

"put it on. you're shivering and i can see through your shirt."

"oh? i thought you'd at least appreciate that."
she teases, but still wraps my jacket around her shoulders.
i smirk in return and she kisses my cheek.

i pull a pack of tissues from the glove box and hand them to her.

"thanks."
she grins, her wet hair sticking to her face as she dabs at the mascara under her eyes.

"you're so late, though. where have you been?"

"hm? oh. yeah... i was working overtime, i thought i told you?"

"you said to pick you up at eight."
i mumble, pointing to the digital clock on the dashboard. 9:23.

"oh god! i'm sorry!"

"i was so worried about you."
i really was. i wanted to swear at her. she wouldn't tell me anything about the phone call yesterday. she kept saying it was nothing, brushing it under the carpet as if "i did something really bad" is a phase you should look over.

"awh. that's sweet of you. look, i'm so sorry... sehun needed help with a client last minute and i've just been so busy-"

"what? with him?"

"why do you always get so defensive when i mention sehun?"

i didn't respond. i couldn't. i wasn't sure how to explain myself. i'm starting to feel like i'm just irritated all the time.

paranoid maybe.

"jongdae... i might've had a thing with him in the past, but i'm all yours now, okay baby? focus on the present."

"you had a thing with him after we'd been dating for 3 months."

"exactly. that was so long ago, i said i'd never do anything like that again, i regret it so much and--"

"you did stuff with him again didn't you?"

i grip tightly onto the wheel, trying to control my anger. trying not to run a red light.

"not this again. why don't you trust me?"

"i do. it's him that i don't trust."

"you're misunderstanding-"
i really want to believe her.

"i don't want to hear it."

it starts to rain harder.

"why not?! i'm trying to explain the situation to you but you're so self-absorbed that you'll only listen to want-"

out of nowhere,

a car swerves up
right in front of us.

i feel my body jolt forward as i hit the break. hard.

i slam a fist on the horn.

"just shut the fuck up or i'll crash the fucking car."

we don't speak for the remainder of the journey home. the gentle patter of rain hitting the car fills the silence.