'What do you do when you have nothing left so all you can do is stand there? you have nothing to protect you and nothing to use to hide away so there is nothing left to do but...do nothing. you are ripped apart from everything you loved and treasured...knew. you feel like dying but you feel as though you deserve it and you need to put up with the pain,the hurt but even though I feel as though I can't breathe or feel and my heart is empty, something pushes me to keep on Living. It hurts so much and I feel like sulking all day and all night but... I can't which hurts me more than anything. I want to die, end my misery, I have nothing else to live for...so why can't i do it?'
When I was nine my parents died in a car accident so my sister Rebecca who is one year older and my twin brother, Luke and I Lucia padderson went to live with are grandma and grandad and other night slept at our nan and pops. My mum and dad were an only child so we didn't have aunts,uncles and cousins this was all the family we had. three years later when I was 12 my grandad died from a clot in his vein which caused him to have a stroke. my pop smoked so two years later my pop died from it at the age of 76 and I was 14.
I was in year 8 and I had just met this really nice guy Jacob,who got me more friends so even though I don't have much family I still have my friends.
My nan was devastated and for the first year my siblings and u would switch through sleeping at my Nan's and grandma's house more often.
The day after my 17th birthday my grandma died which was probably the saddest death yet as my grandmother was the one who would look after us more than anything and it meant that we only had one person left and we knew my Nan's death was next.not long after Jacob became my boyfriend.
The year after my nan passed away but luckily we were all adults so we could look after ourselves and we didn't have to be split or live with strangers.
Two months later my sister went missing so it was just me and luke.
At our 21st birthday party (the day after our birthday) Luke and I walked down back to our house but a bullet not meant for either of us hit luke! I quickly called the ambulance but it was to late! Luke had died in my arms so I had no family left but I still had my boy friend Jacob and my friends. All my friends not including Jacob treated me like a charity case so I slowly pushed them away and I only had jacob. I am now 23 ,have a job and live in an apartment with jacob... well use to.
'I feel sick' 'you should go home then' my boss says to me as I grab my bags to leave. Jacob is expecting me home at 10pm so it will be a good suprise. I walk in the door to see Jacob kissing another girl on the bed! I drop my bag and he looks over. 'wait lucia' he tried calling my back but I left my bag and ran. 'Atleast take your phone!'
'And who am I suppose to ring? Hugh... noone!' I continued running until I ran out of breathe. I got to the park and decided to sit on the swing. just as I sat down it started to rain. 'so taking my family from me, making my boyfriend cheat on me and pushing me to the point of just pushing away my friend wasn't enough for you? are you happy now? do you feel better? I have no one left and all you can do is make it rain! I have no one absolutely no one! my work mates hate me because I am a rude idiot and the best you can do is make it rain god! why me? why anyone? just let me die! please!' I continue to cry out but then Jacob comes.
'I love you' he starts to say but I feel like yelling at him telling him he's a hypocrite. 'I know I made a mistake...' 'a mistake?' I interrupted 'you were the only one I had left! I trusted you and you! so you go right ahead and kiss other people!' 'I will never ever again I promise!' 'NO!, just leave me alone!' he walks away knowing not to argue with me.
Why would he do that? he is the only one I have left! Had left! now I am all alone with no one! for some reason at this very moment, donkeys song in shrek came to me. but ya gotta have friendssss. I started swaying in the beat but it didn't last long because all that had gone came back and reminded me. I felt like crying balling but I couldn't. it hurt more not being able to cry. I just wanted to let it all out but... I just couldn't.
I start to drift away but I felt someone pick me up. I felt as though I should care but I really couldn't care less. The best that could happen is that they take me to my sister, the worse that could happen is that I get killed... or they take me to Jacob!
I started to fall deeper and deeper asleep till I was no longer conscious.
............................................
The next morning I wake up in an unfamiliar place.
'It is ok' a voice called out but I couldn't quite tell what it was coming from. The unfamiliar guy peeped round the corner reassuring me that he was not going to hurt me. 'I don't care weather you do or not... I have nothing to live for anyway.' 'sure you do, you should at least have some family' 'no, my parents died when I was nine, my sister went missing, my twin brother died the day after our 21st birthday , my grandparents died, my mum and dad were an only child so I don't have any aunts, uncles or cousins and my boyfriend cheated on me last night'
'S-sorry I didn't' before he could finish I interrupted him, 'don't worry about it but please don't treat me like a charity' 'I won't but what about your friends?'
'I pushed all away because they treated me like a charity'
He didn't say anything so it was silent for about 10 seconds.
'I'm Lucia by the way'
'I'm Chris'
We both smiled and stared for a bit.
'Well I better get going'
'Where I'll take you?'
'Naaa it is ok'
'No I insist, where do you live?'
'Well... nowhere now, I can't go back to him, but I still need to get my stuff'
'I'll take you then you can come back here'
'Naaa it is ok, I don't really want to get close to any one else because they always leave me'
'I won't'
I smiled and walked out the door and Chris grabbed the keys and walked close behind me.
We drove to my old place and collected my stuff. when I walked in I caught Jacob kissing the girl again. 'you really can't help yourself can you??' I ask him with a disgusted look.
'No it isn't like that' he tries to explain to me but I don't believe him for one second.
'Well it certainly looked like it!'
I stormed into my old room and started packing my bag.
'No don't go!'
'Why? So I can sit around and watch you and her have sex?
'No because I love you'
'Yeah you so showed me that today!'
Once everything was packed I grabbed it all and left. I jumped into the car with Chris and we were silent the whole way back to his place.
'You know it wouldn't hurt to talk about it' Chris says softly hoping he didn't push me over the edge.
'Maybe not but what good would it do eithe, and if you are going to hurt me emotionally or physically it take advantage of me just do it already and just get it over and done with!' I try to say it without sounding dramatic but it did.
'Hey, I'm not going to hurt you I'm just trying to help'
'Well I don't need it... I'm not a charity.'
The rest if the drive was silent.
......................................
When we got back to his place he showed me the bed. I got in and he came and plonked himself next to me. 'you know I care don't you?'
'Do you, I mean we only just met'
Chris smiled and leant over me.
I could see it coming, I knew he was just going to take advantage of me.
W-wait he...
