I Shouldn't Be Trusted to Love and Let Go (Ryden)

Rush of the Past

*All words in the «» quotations are All Time Low lyrics from the song "To Live and Let go". I love this song and I listened to it when writing and it helped characterize the story and Bren. Hope you enjoy!*

«You're beautiful strange, defiantly brash.

Be careful now.»

Brendon is speeding down the highway in his old and beaten up car. He is driving alone in the increasingly dark night, the car's cracked headlights illuminate the dark road ahead. He has no idea where he is going.

Just away.

His grip is too tight on the steering wheel; palms turning red and sweaty from the grasp. Tears are now slowing trickling down his face; warm, wet tears falling. Out of his eye, over his cheekbone, down his cheek, sweeping his jaw and disappearing in his skin.

Brendon is slipping and twisting into his dark minds' consuming thoughts as his car is slipping and twisting into the darkness beyond the road.

The rain continues to pound against the dirty car and Brendon is terrified that it might end up seeping through, or rust the car even more beyond belief.

"At least the car is getting a good wash," he thinks, "all the bird shit will finally be gone."

Still, the pathetic fallacy is not lost on him.

He checks the car's clock. Ryan destroyed him 17 minutes ago.

This dark drive alone might destroy Brendon. For the second time tonight.

He turns down a dark road and vocalizes a loud sob. The front of his shirt is stained with his tears and his eyes are surely painted red.

«Disposable.

Throw away lines,

intentional but unbelievable.»

"Brendon, I have no idea what to say. I don't think I could take the pressure. Our fans, my dad, Pete, the public. I—I can't. Please, take it." He placed the box in Brendon's palm. "I'm sorry. You have to leave." Ryan said as Brendon was on one knee.

The ring now practically burns a hole in his pocket.

Ryan didn't even look that sorry as he handed it back. Brendon is such a fool.

He lets out another loud sob as his thoughts circle and swarm. Fog his mind. Affect his judgement. Clog his perspective.

Brendon reaches where he must've been subconsciously driving to: the edge of a cliff that he's been to a thousand times since his childhood.

He parks a couple feet from the edge and sits on the roof of his car. Lets the tears fall. Sobs into the dark that's swallowing him up.

The rain is soaking him from head to toe, he can feel his tight jeans stick uncomfortably to his wet body and his little black t-shirt cling to his smooth chest.

He doesn't understand. He just doesn't understand. They had been dating for 6 years, they've been together since the first night of Nothing Rhymes with Circus tour.

At least he classifies that as when their relationship started—when he realized that he and Ryan might actually be a thing.

They step into the bunk area of the tour bus, Ryan's shirt already off, Brendon's shirt being ripped off as their mouth's break with a pop. They instantly re-attach their lips together, hands and limbs everywhere.

Ryan is now going for Brendon's belt buckle removing it with shaking hands as Brendon is still familiarizing himself with the older boy's smooth, milky skin that's on his back. Ryan keeps moving Brendon farther back to the bunk area, clearly dominating the situation, but he's okay with that.