Please don't let me wake up. (aug 16, 2016)

please don't let me wake up

       I hate everything and everyone, I'm tired, I've had enough of crazy fucking people isn't my mother enough? But then again.... have I ever been happy? I think that even before I was born i was cursed from the wound to fucking suffer forever,   because ever since I could remember my mother left. I've been raised by this crazy old fuck who beat the shit out of me to teach me how to behave, ever since I was a child I've been in pain and suffering and wishing I were somewhere else.  I've always had this fucking void, I've always felt so dissatisfied. 
          I punched myself in the chest hoping that it would brake something in place or that maybe I could suppress the fucking hole where my heart is suppose to be. I grabbed this suspender thing and tied it around my neck ready to depart and I could feel black shadows closing in saying goodbye as well, but I thought of her of abby, and it broke my heart it tore me more than I already was... I can't leave her not now she needs me. I softly untied the shit and started to head out, while I opened the door I saw this creature like shadow banish and scatter.. "I'm not yours satan" I said, "I'm gods', and you will never have me!" I came into the room and it was as if I wasn't meant to come back in, I wasn't meant to make it out of the other room. 
            I went straight to the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror, oh God how much I hate that fucking face in the reflection..... with my right hand I build some force and buried my palm against my right cheek, and again and again and again!!! I wanted to see blood dripping from my face but my last slap made me turn my face to the door which I realized,  was only half way closed. I composed myself and headed out to bed.
             I'm tired, I'm exhausted and I don't want to do any of this anymore, so please I beg!! Don't let me wake up i don't want to wake up anymore.