The Gift

White Fox

"Eleanora, I want you to keep it a secret," Father says sternly, eyeing me, "do you promise?" Dad's voice is rough and low.

"Yes, of course," I gulp. My heart is beating loudly in my throat. My eyes are getting cloudy.

"Aww, it'll be alright, sweetheart. Come," Mother hugs me tight and overloads me with kisses. "It's going to be a new experience for you -- isn't that exciting? It's going to help you socialize, you know, make friends... and so on,"

"Yeah," I say tightly.

"If anything is wrong, just call us, okay? We will always be there for you. Be my good little girl," Mother is always so gentle, always comforting me. I know she's worried. I still feel the tingle of her lips on my cheek.

"Oh, and remember...," Mother warns.

"Nobody likes magic." I finish the sentence for her. She's repeated that about... hmm... ten million times? Yeah.

"Exactly!" She smiles.

As I open our door, I feel my fingers still lingering on the wood. I want to stay. But I know this is what's best for me. Outside, I can already hear the woodpecker, hammering into the bark of a tree. It may be loud, but it's not nearly as loud as my heart, pumping hard against my chest.

"Bye!" Dad says tenderly. "Enjoy yourself! We love you!"

"See you soon! Have fun! Bye!" Mum waves, wiping her eyes with a hankerchief.

"Bye...," I say softly, waving. I am scared. Very scared.  

"Remember, honey, that whatever happens, I will always love you just as much." Mother's voice is still ringing in my ears as I head outside. Now, I'm on my own.

It's Winter, my favourite season. Snow sparkles like a million diamonds, and the cold immediately presses against my teal coat, sending shivers through me. Trees all around me are dressed with thick layers of snow, and the sky is a milky gray, like a frozen lake bathed with moonlight. I hear birds chittering to each other noisily, and right away I know it is the usual bird gossip. Birds love gossiping, especially in the morning. Sometimes I eavesdrop on their conversations. They often talk about feathers they are jealous of, and what they hear around the forest. Birds can be great listeners, or shall I say... eavesdroppers. Snowflakes twirl around, landing on me and finally fizzling ever so softly on my skin. I love this feeling. Suddenly, the usual freezing European breeze washes over me, sending sparks of ice in my eyes. My long, silky blonde hair dances around joyfully. The trees hover over me, their long, delicate branches waving in the wind, as if goodbye. Coming out of the sky, a blue butterfly lands on my nose. It means good luck! It's the Felixus, the only kind that stays in Winter, my favourite kind. I smile for the first time today.

I love home.

The snow crunches under my feet as I walk, shuddering, through the icy forest. My suitcase rolls along after me. My backpack sags on my shoulders. I realize my fists are clenched, and I'm gritting my teeth. I don't want to go to boarding school. I really don't. I don't understand why I can't just keep on being homeschooled by Mum. My parents say it will help me socialize, and they think it will help my... well, my situation. Today is going to be my first day going to school, and right now, I'm dreading the future. Suddenly, I hear a rustling. I stop for a moment.

"Hello? Who's there?" I am not scared, "show yourself!"

The rustling stops. Out of a bush comes a beautiful slender creature. It's the colour of ice; a kind of mesmerizing white. It has a long snout, and tiny fragile paws. Its fur is so silky and thick it looks as if it's made of pure white velvet. Its tail frolicks joyfully in the wind, and its whiskers twitch curiously at me. I crouch down slowly, so that we're almost at the same level. I stare into its eyes. They are frosty blue, with that translucent, silvery look to them... almost like a ghost. Beautiful. So charming and enthralling, they seem to enchant me, as if I am under some kind of spell. I feel lost somewhere... I feel like all my worries have been lifted off of my shoulders, I feel like I'm flying. It feels... amazing. As I stare deeper into the angelic eyes, I see a soul. A strong, shy, courageous soul. A fox. 

A slight, itchy feeling in my head tells me I've seen those eyes before, maybe in another world, or another lifetime. 

"Hello there," I whisper, lost in its eyes. I know I shouldn't be doing this. Knowing me, Dad and Mum have told me so many times to stay away from animals, but somehow... this seems like the right thing to do.

My secret.

The fox eyes me, sniffs a bit, then approaches timidly.

"It's okay, no need to be afraid. I won't hurt you," I hold my hand out gently. I can't help it. It's as if a current of longing is pulling me closer to this creature. As I plunge deeper into those two sparkling gem-like eyes, I see a reflection of myself. I can feel his shyness, his curiosity, his fear... and how brave he is.

We are exactly alike. Me and the fox. The fox and me. Us.

At this exact moment, I feel like a bonding has formed between us. A flow of confidence rushes through me. I slowly approach the fox, stretching my hand out as far as I can. The fox's head stretches a bit so that his muzzle is a centimeter away from my fingers. Just as it's soft snout is about to touch my hand, a nearby Snowy Owl hoots loudly. The fox's ears flatten against his head, its neck fur bristles, and then in a split second, he dashes off in fright leaving me alone in the snow. 

All the confidence in me is gone. It was just a fox, nothing else, I say to myself. It's what Mum would say. I know I should stop imagining all these dumb things like befriending a fox. But as I think all these things, I still feel a tiny splinter of ice numbing my heart. Why? Why does it hurt? I ask myself with rage. Why can't I be like everyone else? Because... I am me.

Alone.