Jealous. (Tronnor)

You Deserved Forever. (Jealous pt. 2)

I originally had this in a oneshot collection but moved it here. Tbh, I'm not the biggest fan of this sequel because I'm cold and bitter and enjoy leaving you all hanging, but this is Troye's perspective. 

I was fighting with myself. My heart was broken, my whole being was shaking.

I could practically hear your heart shattering; to my ears it sounded like a symphony of glass, but to yours, it sounded of pain. Your bright green eyes were dulling as my words processed through your brain.

"I'm sorry." I whispered one last time, before I left you behind, it all behind, thinking it would be for the best.

I was so stupid. I needed you. I needed you so bad, and I left you standing there, crying your heart out.

I was home again, in Perth, after I had left your apartment that day. But I wasn't home. Because home was you. The hugs, the kisses, the soft smiles. The morning light hitting you as you woke up, the night sky glowing against your skin, your love wrapping around my heart as you held me close, listening to my heartbeat mix with yours. The happy days, dancing in the rain, singing to songs, delicate glances, the thumbs up when I'm preforming, the flights across the world, smells of breakfast waking me up, intermixed with the sound of your coffee press. The well wishes, the simple gestures, the quiet "I love you's" as your lips danced across my skin.

But I was stupid.

I thought you deserved a forever. You needed someone stable, caring, who could give you a family. I thought I was reckless, impulsive, childish.

I wouldn't be the one who could settle down. I always would be moving, traveling the world. Even small movements like tapping my feet, playing with my fingers. You said it was endearing; I thought it was a disaster waiting to happen.

But yet, here I was, stuck in a cage meant for two.

Sage got tired of my self pitying, wrapped under blankets, reading through our old texts. She told me to go get dressed and go on a walk. No matter how hard she hid it, she is the one who got hit the hardest in my family. To her, you were like another brother. She loved you, almost as much as I did, as I do. Though she was the one to help me with my destructive thoughts, she was also the one who was maddest at me.

I had gotten dressed, wearing simple clothes, old shoes, not feeling like spending time on my appearance. My eyes were rough; dark, harsh circles wrapped around them, the bright blue fading to a grey. My hair was messy and slightly shaggy, the curls running in all directions. Stubble lightly lined my face, as I only shaved when Sage reminded me to.

I ended up walking to your favourite coffee place in Perth. The interior was dark, with wooded decor, and it was peaceful. I walked up to the dark counter, a new worker behind it.

He gave me coffee, sat with me, learned all my troubles. He looked nothing like you. He had light blond hair, dark brown eyes, and tan skin, a trait common to Australians. He told me he loved sports, like football. He hated coffee, but wanted the job for money.

I came back day after day, to talk to him.

After months of us being apart, I was starting to feel better. The guy behind the counter, Ethan, asked me out. I said yes, thinking I could forget you.

Even though my videos were lacking, my smiles fake, I was invited back to VidCon. I forced Ethan to come with me, so I wouldn't have to talk to you.

I couldn't even look at you. I was afraid that you would be happy, or worse look like me. Even with Ethan hanging off my side, my face was still rough and sad. All because of my mistake. I had lost my best friend of 5 years, boyfriend of 3. My rock, my soul, my everything. I was so fucking stupid.