They told me to be happy,
Then they hurt me,
He told me he loved me,
Then abandoned me,
They told me they cared about me,
Then sent me away,
They told me it would help,
It only cleared me mind,
They say it's bad for me,
They clearly have no experience.
Soon I will have to make a choice,
Quit everything and leave it all behind,
Or die trying.
I only see the worst side of things,
I know I will never be able to let go,
It's grip is too strong on me,
When i try to be strong,
It only makes me realize how weak I really am.
I am not a fighter,
I am a hider,
I hide behind a smile,
Bright clothes,
And an enthusiastic personality,
But it's all fake,
I have perfected the art of acting happy.
But I think to myself,
How long can this last,
How long can I pretend,
Sometimes days i let myself slip,
More and more often it's happening,
When people ask I simply say,
I'm tired,
Or
I had a bad day.
But people are smart.
I see their concerned looks,
I hear the comments about my many bracelets.
I can't wait for the day when I find the courage,
Pills,
A knife,
A tall building,
So quick,
So easy,
So available.
It might be tomorrow,
It might be next year,
It might be in 20 years,
But I will take my own life,
I will die on my own terms.
Then I can be happy.
