I have split, my mind follows two paths but my body remains.
Half of me follows the normal path, the one they see, the usual path; toward happiness, attractiveness, hygiene, self-esteem, and confidence. This part of me dreams of being better, reaching these goals and accepting myself for who I truly am.
But the other half of me drives to feel pain and numb simultaneously, and when there is no one to see me fail, no one to judge my mistakes, I take the path toward low self-esteem, anger, anxiety, depression, self-harm, morbidity, and suicide. This part of me desires nothing, wants to be nothing, wishes I would just wither away, never to be seen and never to be anything more than a soulless skeleton. But ultimately there will always be the worst judge of all, watching and brutally doubting any hope of positivity; and that judge, is me.
But the issue still remains; my body is still one. How do I move forward if I am to become two? Which path do I find my body upon; that is through metacognition of both sides?
Or Is there really 3? The third being the Watcher. The one who sees all, feels all. Am I the watcher? Is the Watcher where my body resides; above both paths, viewing the outcomes of each, feeling the outcomes of each?
Maybe there is truly one path. The watcher isn't viewing each path it is both as one. And on that intersection, where positively and negatively collide is that me? Am I the combination of two opposing forces who are actually measures on a greater scale? A scale of good to bad; something measuring all beings. A scale where the averages of other negative and positive paths collide. Possible other people.
And if this is all true. Who lies in the middle. A true equilibrium between good and bad? Who charts these measures on the greater scale? Where do I land closer to, good, or bad?
Why even ask these unanswerable rhetorical questions? Is there a meaning to all this madness? Or is this just the exploration of a path? Is this a positive or negative path?
Who am I?
I watch these connections, intersections, measures, scales and paths of good or bad. But why?
Am I the true Watcher? Seer of all.
Or is this just a fiction. A mental picture attempting to describe what's really happening inside?
And if I am to be some "Seer of all", what does that make you? Could we all be seers? Could we all have this same unexplainable power?
I hope so. Because I'd hate to 'see all' but come to realize that I have no one to describe my findings to.
I guess it's better left unknown. Another mystery of the mind someday to be solved. But by who?
