Kara Sevda - After Goodbye

After Goodbye - Part 1

Nihan couldn't breathe. 1, 2, 3...she counted silently, trying to slow her breathing.

She felt trapped, captured and it was killing her that Kemal believed something that was so far from the truth. She had wanted to save him, by once again sacrificing herself. She could endure the pain of the life she had condemned herself to because Kemal was alive, he was alive and enduring pain because of her. But he was alive. A world without Kemal was one she couldn't be part of.

And now...their baby. How she yearned to see their baby. If only he or she could have the same kindness as Kemal. His generosity and kindness could not be matched. He was her angel. His perfect looks only added to what was already a perfect package. He had given up on her though, he was moving forward without her.

Her breathing remained obstructed and she tried to gulp more air as she stepped out into the garden from her room. She fell, the dizziness intense and then the blackness took her. She woke to an urgent voice.

"Nihan! Nihan, wake up," said Onder, shaking her shoulder gently.

"Daddy I can't do this...I can't. I can't breathe, I can't live," said Nihan, bursting into tears.

She didn't get up from the ground where she'd fallen, her father tried to help her but she stubbornly remained.

"I can't live, I can't live," she murmured.

Onder looked at her, worried and she shook her head.

"Please help me," she murmured tearfully.

Onder scooped her up from the ground and carried her into her bedroom. He lay her down on the bed and she immediately curled up on her side.

"Kemal...Kemal gave up on me," sobbed Nihan.

"You told him to," said Onder.

He knew her struggle, he'd wanted to see her free herself from Emir's grasp and Kemal was her chance. Kemal loved Nihan and Onder had seen that he was a gentleman, a hard worker and a man devoted to his daughter. The fact that Nihan had been the one to push him away needed to be pointed out.

"But Emir...he was going to kill everyone, he had Leyla stabbed. He would stop at nothing. Kemal needs to be safe, I can't live knowing something happened to him because of me," said Nihan sobbing uncontrollably.

It was a good thing Emir was not at home, because Nihan's sobs had roused the whole household.

Vildan was standing by the door, wringing her hands over and over as her daughter suffered and Onder could only stroke Nihan's hair, hoping to comfort her.

"Kemal....I love you Kemal," sobbed Nihan.

Her panic had been bubbling for weeks, since she returned to the house and tried to protect Kemal by lying to him.

Kemal had withdrawn from her, he would marry Asu and forget her, she was sure. The pain she had caused him was unforgivable. She couldn't forgive even herself. Kemal deserved happiness, he didn't deserve the pain she was putting him through and threat of death by Emir's hand hanging over him.

She knew that Kemal was strong, that he could protect himself from Emir but he couldn't protect his family and loved ones from being hurt by Emir's tricks.

Onder and Vildan could only stand by and allow their daughter to grieve. Onder still sat beside her, trying to comfort her and Vildan was perched on the other side of the bed.

"Please help me...please...and the baby," said Nihan, overwhelmed with panic and fear, the pain of not being by Kemal's side was like her body was being ripped in shreds every day.