well, i already accepted that life is unfair. and that in some ways it is fair. but i never thought it can be this absurd.
my dad can't pass his LET exam and it's killing me. my mom and her siblings are bright, wise, intelligengt. and my dad, always failing his let exam, will be judged. by them. my mom loves my dad. sure. but my mom has a known name in our town because she's the head of a department in our LGU.
i'm afraid. i'm shaking. i'm afraid for my dad. idk how he'll feel. he already took 4 exams. but he always fail. he did everything. review centers, prayers, sacrifices. WHY? why can't his wish be granted? well, idk if passing was what he was wishing for. my dad was an ofw. after 5 years there, he decided to go home and work here. unfortunately, he can't pass the LET.
there are times that i think that mom regrets marrying dad. well, she i think she didn't want to, but i happened so she married him. my mom getting pregnant before she married dad was kept as a secret. in our family, i'm the only one who knows, my bro and sis don't. then so i think, my mom won't have this life she has now if i didn't came into the picture. she always tells me, that she once wished to have ahusband who's an engineer, she dreamed to have a house that is a gift from his husband. she wanted to watch olympics with her family after 10 years of marriage. aparently, my dad cannot give anything that my mom wished and dreamed for. my dad didn't have a college degree when my mom and her made me. mom had to pay for his college. then dad went abroad and didn't had any avings because his salary isn't enough for us here. and because there are no savings, to have ourOWN house is impossible. specially the olympics.
was it my fault? i mean, if i didn't come out and just died inside my mom's womb, she wouldn't suffer from any of this. even my dad. he won't hear any complaints. he can be with his family in bicol. my life is ashit. and me having no friends made it even worse. T.T
i love my dad. my mom. faye. isto. i love my family. but why can't we be together? mom said before that if dad won't make it for the fourth time, she'll encourage him to be an ofw again because, her salary isn't enough for us also. our ratio in our home is 4:1. we won't survive. and i'm going to college next school year. GOD HELP US. :((
