Collide Invisible Lips (KELLIC)

Chapter 15

"No? Kellin, you have to-" I cut Vic off mid-lecture.

"No, I don't. I don't want to. I'll just stay here with you," I insisted desperately. Vic bit down on his lip hard, and I knew that he didn't want me to leave him any more than I did.

"Please don't make this harder than it already is," Vic begged, but I had made up my own mind.

"Come on, Vic, don't make me leave you. I don't want to go back. I'm happier here with you than I ever was there," I pleaded, placing a hand on his upper arm gently. He looked ready to concede to my words, but then Matty came upstairs and took away my edge.

"Kellin, this can't be your choice. How is it fair to your family and friends and fans if you just quit now? It'd be equivalent to suicide," Matty pointed out.

"It is my choice! You can't make me!" I argued. I sounded like a child pathetically whining over not wanting to leave the playground, but I didn't care.

"We don't know what would happen to your spirit if you're taken off life support. You might have to leave when you die anyway, but with no chance of coming back. Wouldn't you rather go home for a while and then be able to come back here forever?" Matty coaxed, but I knew that he didn't know anything for certain. I vigorously shook my head.

"I'm not leaving him alone. I promised that I wouldn't, and I'm keeping that promise," I asserted stubbornly before turning on my heel and storming down the hall towards the attic. I heard Matty and Vic discussing something behind me, but I ignored them. I burst into the attic, throwing myself down like an angsty teenager onto the bed that Vic and I had shared night after night since I got here, not sleeping, but whispering sweet words and holding one another. I couldn't believe how willing he was to throw away everything we had created together over the past few months.

My rational side knew that Vic didn't really want me to leave; he only wanted what was best for me, and he thought that that was going back home to my real life. It wasn't. I knew it wasn't. I would give up everything I had there in a heartbeat to stay with Vic here. I didn't care if he thought it wasn't fair to throw my life away for a longer eternity with him. I wasn't going to wake up, and that was that.

But a small part of me was leaving whispers of uncertainty in the deep recesses of my mind.

My heart told me that I wanted to stay with Vic, and I knew that by his side was where I truly belonged, alive or not. But a tiny bit of my mind thought of my mother, my sister, Jack and Nick, and all the fans we'd helped over the past few years. I thought of people like Lynn who needed music to feel okay. It was wrong for me to abandon them and my whole life like that just to get a jumpstart on my death. I didn't know what I wanted anymore; this whole situation was ridiculously fucked up. There was only one thing that every part of me knew for certain.

I was not going to leave Vic.

He could say what he wanted and insist that it was only right for me to follow the course of nature, but I wouldn't do it. He couldn't force me to, and I wouldn't.

"Kellin? Are you okay?" Vic's soft voice came from the stairwell leading up to the attic. I quickly stood up off the bed and turned around to face the small window, my arms crossed tightly over my chest. I needed to come off as completely unwavering on my decision. I didn't speak until I felt Vic's hand on my shoulder.

"You can't make me leave," I said quietly, keeping my voice as steady and confident as possible. Vic sighed, running his hand lightly over my arm in a way that made me shiver.

"I'm not going to say that I want you to go, because I don't. But, Kells, you have to think logically about this. What about your parents? Your friends? Are you really just going to leave them grieving over you because you want to be dead?" Vic asked me. I turned my head slightly to the side so he couldn't see the doubt in my expression.