Suspect

I. Confusion

| Hartford Conn.| { A/N: My hometown🤘🏾}

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I was never...normal, I didn't have the same interests as other niggas. I mean, yeah I liked the same music, I bought the same clothes, and followed the same trends. I just couldn't...relate to their interests in women, for years I didn't know why. I was scared of it for the longest time, that was until I could put a name on it. I was gay. I didn't know how'd my family would react, although they've never expressed a hatred or disapproval of the gay community, I don't know how'd they handle knowing that they have a gay son. Hell I don't know how'd my friends would react.
Would they judge me?
Would they shut me out, switch up on me??
Hell would these niggas kick my ass?!?!
I don't know, but I'm scared.. I don't know why I'm going through this. Why me? Why'd I have to have these...feelings, thoughts, and attraction to men? These are the questions I ask myself daily.. with no answer..
      " Yo! LJ." My brother Jai'Shawn said opening my door.
      " Yeah?" I asked. He sighed crossing his arms
      " Really nigga?" He asked, I was confused as to why he seemed upset.
       " The fuck did I do?" He smirked shaking his head.
       " Yo dumbass forgot, we got practice in like fifteen minutes." It wasn't even a second before I darted out of bed and to my closet, I threw clothes upon clothes just to try and find my track clothes.
" Link! Chill man, it's ight, we got an hour and thirty minutes before practice starts anyways." He smiled, I threw a football at; which he caught of course.
" Asshole.." I muttered, he immediately started to size me up.
" Square up then lil nigga." He said tighenting his chest and arms. I got all up in his face showing him I wasn't scared of him. He wasn't that much taller than me maybe two or three inches taller..
" Do something then, bitch." I said, he put me in a head lock, cutting off my air supply. I elbowed him in the gut, he stumbled back before I got him in a headlock.
" Ight man, you win." He said giving up, I let him go and he shook it off. We laughed it off and I went to get ready.
" Next time you ain't gon be so lucky lil nigga.." I flicked him off before going back in my room. I grabbed a pair of basketball shorts and a solid gray long sleeve shirt. I threw my duffle bag over my shoulder and went outside to meet, Jai.
" You ready?" He asked turning his head slightly, I nodded and walked past him. Neither of us had a car so we were forced to walk to school and other places, luckily we lived just ten minutes from the school. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, I took it out seeing a familiar name pop up. Drea, my..girlfriend. I know what y'all are thinking, why does someone with my... issue dating a girl. Trust me I don't know why either... I guess she's just a "cover".
Pretty much all of my friends have girlfriends so it'd be kinda weird if I was the only nigga without one. I've shared all kinds of things with my friends that have never happened, once I told them I hit that shit so hard she fell asleep. Truth is I'm still a virgin... she's not. She's tried making sexual advances towards me, but I can never get it up nor keep it up long enough to do anything. I know she's either gonna find out, or she's figured it out already.. I fear both outcomes. Drea has always had a..big mouth, always spreading the dumbest shit ever. She's just a petty ass hoe, I don't even know what made me choose her.. but she was the easiest type to get. Wasn't super long before we made it to the school, yet it still takes about five or six minutes to make it to the gym
" Winters!" The booming voice of Coach Terrence called. Me and Jai turned facing a not-so-happy coach.
" You're late!" I looked at Jai and he looked at me.
" You two just earned everyone ten more laps." We both groaned dropping our bags.
" Get your asses to the field now!" He ordered. We knew how coach was, he hates tardiness. That's his one pet peeve, it's a punishable offense and probably the most disrespectful thing you could ever do to him. He took track serious, dude even swears he was born on the field; I know right dude delusional. However, he's probably the best coach in the state, ever since he took over we've won districts and states for the past three years.
       " I thought you said we had more than a hour, nigga." I said running beside Jai.
       " Shit, I thought we did. Practice was supposed to start at 12:30pm right?" When I say I gave this nigga the most annoyed face in my life.
       " Jai, it's damn near 2:00pm!" I shot, he looked beyond confused.
      " Shit! We went back an hour! I forgot to set the fucking clocks!" He said, I shook my head. After about four laps into the ten we owe Coach, I started to feel my legs give out, my chest started to clench up, and at this point it felt as if I was drowning in my own sweat. After about 10-15 minutes, we finally finished our laps and went to the gym to join the others. But when I walked in I was surprised to see someone I didn't recognize. A new guy, he was a muscular dark skinned tall nigga, even taller than me and Im 6'2.
        " Winters! Everyone!! Bring your asses over here and meet  AJ!" Coach yelled, we walked over and spoke to him.
        " Wassup, bro." Jai said shaking AJ's hand.

        " What's good." AJ replied, I walked up and shook his hand, but there was something weird about how he gripped my hand.
       " Wassup." He greeted with a strange smirk, that one smirk showed off his rows of pearly white teeth. I found it kinda weird how he did that to me. Yet, it gave me a strange sensation all over....