Growth

Pause. Breath. Look back.

Shadows and dust kicked up,

Weeds overgrown and tangled,

Howling wind and piercing screams,

Small patches of dead grass,

This is no picturesque painting.

Hands pushing me and dragging me,

My body filled to the brim with the taste of fear and adrenaline,

Hot tears tight in my throat,

My breath shallow,

My worst nightmare transformed into my worst reality.

Through it all streams light,

Thin patches of golden chaos,

Small and infrequent,

Temporary,

Its relief twisted yet welcome.

Not everything lasts, I suppose.

I can hear the sweet angelic laughter,

Feel the ghost of small hands pressed against my cheeks,

The whispered “Can I sleep with you tonight?” echoing sweetly,

Breaking my glass heart.

The taste of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches,

Sweet iced tea with condensation rolling off the glass,

The final soft hugs,

Gentle yet firm,

Always lingering in my mind and bittersweet.

Should saying goodbye be this easy?

As the path becomes less rocky,

Dust settles and clouds move on,

The sound of music blasting in a small car,

Bass vibrating the seat,

Wind rushing in the window tossing hair,

These replace the horrid reality before.

Salty sweat, sweet reeds, cold water,

Fresh mown grass mixed with sunscreen fumes,

Piercing piccolos and warm fluid brass,

Projecting sweet harmony through the air,

Bringing peace to me and piecing together my splintering mind.

Turn. Breath. Look forward.

I see a new distant horizon encased in rich light,

Shapes forming,

Memories flashing,

Opportunities presenting themselves, offering me all new possibilities for happiness.

Looking back there is so much to hate,

But not to regret.

You cannot wish for things to never have been,

You simply move forward and learn with each decision.

You live.

You learn.

You change.

You grow.

‘Goodbye is too painful,’

I remember saying this morosely,

Wishing for more time with him.

‘Can I simply embrace the future and say see you when I see you?’

He laughed,

And it echoed beautifully so I joined,

Enjoying our sweet music.

There are so many unexpected turns ahead.

I fear the change.

I cannot handle being alone,

So I pray someone will be there.

Even if they are miles away or minutes,

I hope they will be waiting patiently, to help with the unexpected.

So it is time to find the beauty in not knowing

Breath. Blink. Step forward.