Project Happy

Alexxz- Week 1

Morgan- 

Being the strange child that I am, (and no, I don't have any problem admitting that) I think it's stupid at my age to say 'dear diary' (if it was ever not stupid) so I decided to head my entries with a name. A person I'm thinking about or just a name that I like or interests me. Today, being the start of my big idea to vent and try to figure all this sh!t out, I decided to use the name of a friend that has hurt me in the past. Because, even though it killed me to see him walk away from me, I still love him. He's been so close to me for so long that even now, I find myself thinking about him wondering what he's doing, and how he's feeling. Though, when I think about it he really doesn't deserve my concern anymore... So anyway, I guess I'm doing this journal/diary to attempt to have a normal attitude and "outlook on life" once more, as my mother likes to say whenever I disappoint her. Although, really, who's to say what's normal? So here goes? I really wish sometimes that I could just be invisible. Keep my mouth shut and just accept what the world throws at me. But you see, I'm wayyyy to stubborn and outspoken to let people tell me what to do and try to control me. And you know what? Maybe it's all in my head. The billions of humans on this great big ball of dirt and water are PROBABLY NOT trying to ruin my life or even impact it at all. They are just running around in their busy lives. (Doing what OTHER people tell them to do and expect if them of course) And maybe I'm a little conceited if I think so. But, hey. Cut me some slack. I just found out my parents are calling it quits and I'm moving away from the town and state that I've spent the majority if my life in. The moving part was semi-normal. I've lived in 6 different houses in the past 8 years. But the fact that it was so far away? That was different. And not very well welcomed by moi. The town is different as well. I mean, where are the restaurants? The variety of grocery stores? The hotels? The college and the dorms? Talk about DIFFERENT. I just went from a smallish town of about 24,000 to a tiny town of about 2,400. Can I adapt? ...of course talking to this stupid journal makes me feel slightly crazy and stupid for asking advice from an inanimate object... I think the first thing to change was my thoughts on life and what's worth it at such a young age. Whats the point in dating someone who's just going to hurt you? Whats the point in making friends that you are either going to leave in a few years or they are going to stab you in the back or abandon you for something better? The people that I had been friends with at my old school wouldn't understand me. They wouldn't want to hang out with me or try to get through to me. And I wouldn't want them to try. I think my interests were next. When before I would listen to pop, hip hop, r/b, and rap, all I can bear anymore is rock. Hard rock, heavy metal, screamo, alternative rock, classic rock. People like Rihanna, Britney Spears, and Jason Derülo were replaced by Escape The Fate, Hollywood Undead, and Mötley Crüe. I had also, umm sorta guilt-tripped my parents into letting me dye my hair (for the first time. I would have just done it on my own, but, been there, done that. And all it led too was a screaming match between me and my parents, then eventually just my mom and dad... And a trip to the stylist to get my hair dyed back to normal) and getting piercings. Despite my makeover, I had completely and pretty much officially withdrawn, coming out only on impulse. Remembering the old me. What SHE would do. And I was perfectly content  

with that. Until I met HIM.