How To Not Get Involved With Vampires

If you don't want to put your life in serious danger because of vampires, here are a few steps to avoid an extremely complicated and stupid life.

STEP ONE

Avoid visiting your relatives that live in small creepy towns that rarely have sunshine, especially if he looks like a hobo.

STEP TWO

Try not to be an extremely horny teenage girl. (Lucky me)

STEP THREE

Pale guys who look like they are in pain spell trouble.

STEP FOUR

Don't go to your boyfriends house if it is in the middle of the woods, and don't play baseball with his blood sucking, freakishly athletic siblings.

STEP FIVE

Avoid his werewolf friends.

STEP SIX

Don't be emo, because cutting yourself only makes it easier for the vampire.

STEP SEVEN

RUN if your boyfriend sparkles!!!!

STEP EIGHT

He should not be able to read your mind...or anyone elses...or stalk you...

STEP NINE

Don't be Bella.