Cold Case, Until Now.

My husband disappeared on October 5th, 1998.

It was the 3rd anniversary of the day we met.

At the place we met.

For 12 years it has been a cold case.

Until now.

The air was crisp in the waiting room of the LAPD. In a split second every memory from all the previous times I sat in this room came rushing back. The first and most memorable time, I had been picked up by a uniformed cop at work. The drive was long and you could have cut the tension in the car with a knife. When I had finally gotten to the station I sat in these exact chairs, in the same spot for 20 minutes before a tapered, well groomed man in a sharp black suit accented by a deep purple tie walked in smelling of coffee and aftershave, just as my husband always had. He told me my husband had not shown up to work that day, or any of his 5 meetings, including his meeting with the lead detective of the LAPD. And that he was seen at the park on 5th street where we had met, sitting on the bench one second, gone the next. I stayed in that waiting room for 3 days straight. They tried to get me to go home, go stay with family, go out and get the comfort of friends. But I told them I would not leave until something was resolved. Finally they resolved that there was absolutely no leads and no evidence, the case went cold. It has stayed that way for 12 years no matter how much I did. Every few months I would stop in to the station and see if anything had come up in the case, if anything in another case seemed to connect with his. Nothing ever did. I felt somebody brush past me and I was brought back to reality. I composed myself and prepared for the answer I was sure was about to come but just as I was about to go up to the desk and ask to speak to the head of my husband's case (which had changed since it was a cold case, it was now the in the cold case department with a separate head) I realized, I couldn't do this yet, not until I had done something else much more important, and it must be done on this day.

October 5th 2012. Just a few hours previous I stood in the corridor of the LAPD starring down a hallway into my past and now I sat on the bench where my husband was last seen. Something didn't feel right, and it wasn't just that I didn't know and may never know where the love of my life is. It was something.....different. It was like I was being watched. I had always had a weird feeling when I came here on this day but it had always been all the memories and all the pain coming back to me, but this time it was different, it was strong, intense, scary, not just heartache. Slowly I grabbed my things and set down the flowers I brought to lay at the base of the bench where we sat on a blanket on our first blind date so many years ago. Even as I walked to my car, when usually, I felt like the only person in the world, I felt there was another person. But when I finally climbed into the comfort of my worn in leather drivers seat, I felt safe, surrounded by 100s of pounds of steel and metal, as if my car would suddenly become a transformer and protect me.

When I finally arrived at the station, my body climbed out the car and started moving briskly toward the door while inside I was screaming no NO don't go. I was a walking contradiction, my body knew this was something I had to do, but my mind still didn't want to go back inside the place that held so many memories and so much pain. Before I knew it though, I was at the front desk.

"Ma'am, ma'am, can I help you?" the receptionist voice finally registered in my head and I was pulled out of the trance I was in enough to be in the real world while I had memories playing in the back of my mind.

"um, yes could I speak to head of cold cases, my name is Emily Rouser, my husband, Zack, has a file in his department." Her hazel eyes softened and had a sense of pity for me as she picked up the phone

"I will see if he is in" she said with a soft voice I assume she uses with so many people. "he's on his way" I barely heard her say it as I remembered the day I was told that Zack's case would go cold......