Gone

69.

I put the girls to bed before making my way outside. If she was alive my mom would be out here with me. probably trying to get me to make up with Heminsworth. I sigh and I let myself relax. "Are you sure you should be exhausting yourself like this Alpha?" I hear and I chuckle as Lisa walks up to the other beach chair and sits down.

"Doesn't matter it's not like I sleep at night anyway. I end up with very vivid dreams that leaving me feeling empty and wanting more." I mumble the ending to her. "You knew," I say after a bit of silence and she laughs. "You've parents figured it out pretty quickly that Heminsworth had something to do with your vast health improvement. They confronted him and he said yes he was your mate, they told me, they also told me about the deal they made with the Vampire King." I turn to look at her.

"I need to give him a chance don't I?" "Do you want me to answer as his mother?" "Answer as the woman who's been giving me advice my whole life-" I pause as realization sinks in. "As his mother." I look at her, "he did this for you, he took the chance of losing you if it meant you weren't within your father's reach." "He gambled the chances, and lost, that's not my fault." "You're still here, he still has a chance and you know it, deep down. You're grieving now but you won't be one day. Don't throw him away today, not knowing if tomorrow you'll want him, now that he doesn't deserve." I look back to the forest. "Why didn't you ever tell him? Blackharth is dead-" "I don't believe he is. I know he's alive. A mate always knows."

I look back up to the stars and let myself get lost in thought. "I don't feel it Lisa. I don't feel that mate connection." "That's because you spent ten years burying it." "No, I just don't feel anything. I think of the man I want to spend my life with and I see Clive." I say to her as laughter bubbles in my throat and makes it way up. "That's because you're not over Clive."

"Thanks a lot, Lisa, now I can't get him out of my head." I say to her and she just gives me a knowingly look and says "he's always been there Alpha, you just got good at ignoring him over the years. You're home now, its not so easy to ignore him here." Soon after she leaves I find myself getting up and walking to the clearing at the edge. I sit down and I feel his eyes. "You couldn't sleep either huh," I say to him.

"I don't know what to do with you." I lay down with my eyes glued to the starry night sky. "What am I doing here?" I mumble I stare upwards and keep the question in my head. Why am I here? I look up and I see him sitting against a tree. "You're better off with someone else." "I don't care, I only want you." I lay back down. "I'm more monster than I am human." "I see the human." "Everyone but me apparently."

I wake up and the suns dawning and there's warmth around me. I look up and I see Heminsworth sleeping around me. The first time he did this was when I seven and the last was when I was seventeen. Why does he do these things? Why am I so okay with it? Why do I do these things? Still trying to keep me safe after all these years. Little do you know, I'm the one you should be protecting yourself from.

I get up and walk away before he wakes up "I ignored your existence so that I could live, but I can't do that here, you're everywhere and I wish you weren't." I mumble before I continue to the pack house. "I hope to god I'm not wrong, I don't want my soul back, I won't be able to live if I get it back."

I walk into the kitchen and see Lisa cutting up veggies, "you know-" I cut her off "I really don't want to be there." I say and she looks at me and her eyes go wide and a tear falls from her eye. "Are you crying for me?" I ask and she nods. "I never loved him because he was my mate. I loved him for everything be did for me." She says to me without looking up and I nod. "I don't want to love him again." "Why?" "I just don't."

I end up walking to the clearing by the edge and I see that he's already there. "Well this explains me ending up here." "You didn't have to come." "You're right I'm leaving." "Amoura!" I stop and look at him, "have you healed yet?" "Yes I did." He looks at me and I stare at him before speaking again, "you really haven't changed." "There's wasn't any need to. You're temper sure is shorter." He says to me, "I don't know what you're talking about." He jumps over the edge, and walks up to me. "You weren't suck a short fuse. You're patients is gone." "Not my fault I can't stand idiots." He smiles, "you attitude isn't as soft either." "Yeah well, hell will do that for you." "Amoura-" "What if you're going to be so optimistic someone needs to stay realistic."

'Alpha, Chandler is here.' Lisa say through mind link. 'Alright I'm on my way.' I reply, I step away from him and make my way back to the pack house in silence, I walk in and Lisa gives me a knowing smile. "Where have you been Alpha?" She says with a smile, "for if you must know I was out for a stroll in the forest Lisa." I say and she nods and gives me a "uhuh, I didn't know the forest could give you such a glow?" to which I reply with, "isn't nature a beautiful and mysterious thing." She rolls her eyes as I walk into the pack dining room and see Chandlers parents hugging him. "Amoura." He says and he hugs me and I bite back a growl. Lisa coughs trying to hide her laughter, I turn and glare at her.

'Don't need your commentary Lisa.' I say to her through mind link. 'Sorry but even now after everything, he has a hold over you.' she says and I left out a frustrated sigh because she is right. "Ignore she's been drinking. Alright, Chandler enough touching." I say and Chandler hugs me again, "we need to talk about Alice." I nod and he goes make merry.