Safe and Tucked Away (Herunterdrünken Book 2)

Stronghold

The room is behind a brick wall; those bricks are there to keep the memories and bad experiences at bay. Behind them though, is a small room that I go to often. It feels lived in; the carpet is a dingy grey from many years of use. The room itself is an odd shape; there are three walls that make it square but, the forth wall has an indented place for a built in bookshelf and the door that leads out from the brick wall into the vast emptiness. On the wall across from the one with the door in it, is a widow that shows grey rainy skies. The curtains that cover it are a deep charcoal grey matching the color of the wall cross from it. The other walls are a light baby blue that seems to balance the somber grey with happiness. The sound of rain, wind and thunder seems to echo outside, as a chill sweeps through the room. In front of the window is a bed; on the bed there is a nest of blankets and pillows that I can bury myself in if the chill becomes too much. Across from the bed, beside the built in bookshelf that is overflowing with books, is a large desk. The desk is deep red brown with glass protecting the top. On the desk are papers from school, scattered in a disorganized fashion. Next to the papers are large dark green plants, their leaves spilling over the edges of the pot like a goo monster spilling out of a door way. The drawers have varying knobs, each different from one another, my favorite is the lion door knocker. On the wall to the left of the bed is a large closet, whose doors always remain closed, forever looking away the fancy dresses that I love but, feel out of place in and my childhood toys. On top of the dresser is an incense holder along with the incense that I burn to give the room a spicy smell to go with the rain's natural scent, petracore. Next to the incense is a music box that has a merry-go-round horse on it. On the wall to the right of the bed is a small well-worn dresser where I keep the clothes that help me become part of the background. On the end of the bed nearest the closet is a small end table, whose legs twist and curve with bumps. On the end table is lamp that my dad made with piping, which emits a soft glow due to the Edison bulb in it. The room, awash with golden light is my stronghold where I can be safe and tucked away in my mind and physically if need be.

When I'm in my stronghold I sit and listen to the rain while I read one of my books for the thousandth time. The smell of incense and strong chia tea fill the room with their comforting spicy scents. I could stay there for hours and often times, I do. Sometimes I'll write books or short stories or other times I'll sleep; dragging myself further away from the memories that plague my existence. This place is peaceful the only sound that disturbs its silence is the ticking of the clock reminding me that soon I'll have to back to focusing on the outside world.

I go to this place when I don't know how to deal with something someone said or someone prying into my private life, bringing up memories that I don't know how to deal with. I can go to this place in my mind and still function in the outside world, talking and laughing with my friends; I can do all of it and still be safe and tucked away. People usually don't notice that you aren't fully present when that is the only you they know. They don't see how you act in the environment that you are most comfortable. This for me is when I'm with my family. I feel safe expressing myself and shedding the mask I wear to appear happy, to keep people from worrying about me. Though I visit my stronghold often I feel safe saying away while I'm with my family.

Thanks to all those who have depression and who have a stronghold, a safe place, or a mind palace. Keep fighting because needing this doesn't define who you are, its just a period of your life. Its just another chapter in your life. Keeping that safe space will help you or even creating a stronghold. Don't quit.