Gone

73.

I sit outside to smoke when Lisa sits in the beach chair next to me. "Lisa, why won't you tell him you're alive?" "I know what you all say, but I can feel Blackhart is alive and a mate bond is never wrong." I turn off the cigarette and turn to her. "Say you're right, don't you think he knows you're alive too. Isn't he winning, each day that you and your son go on without each other, isn't that what he wanted? His son isolated from the ones he loves." I say to her. "Don't you think you're in the same boat. As long as you push my son away Blackharth wins." She says "it's different."

"How?" "Because I'm not trying to punish him or push him away. I don't hate him, and I'm not mad about what he did. I get it, I've done the same thing. I just don't feel anything romantic for him. He doesn't make me feel the way Clive did. It just goes to show, I'm still in love with my husband. Or at the very least, it shows that I haven't given up on the life him and I were supposed to have with our daughters. And I don't think it's fair to ask him to be friends after everything he's done, even though we do have to be civil for we are neighbors. But you, your son is right over there." I say as she wipes the tears from her cheeks. "Promise me you'll try to find a way to be with my son." She says as she holds onto my hand. "I can't, I don't know if I want a mate, but I will be civil and I will talk to him. And if Blackharth is alive we'll deal with him."

I smile before leading her to Heminsworth pack house. "I'll wait here." She says as we approach the pack house. I nod and walk in. I knock on his study door before opening it. "What is it?" He asks me."I need to tell you something, and I need you to listen." He nods, "when I was a kid I ran away from home. I didn't get far, I made it to the small waterfall by the edge, when I got there I noticed a woman lying on the floor bleeding. I cried out for my parents and because it was fragile little me they came running. Within minutes my parents and five other pack members including the pack doctors were there. They were able to save the woman's life. When I got older she told me who she was and why she would always be grateful that I saved her life." "Amoura who are you talking about?" He asks me, "I unknowingly saved your mother." I say and I motion for him to follow me outside. I head back to the Pack house.

"She told me what you did. She says you've tried to get her to tell me for years. Why?" "Because everyone deserves to have their mother in their life." He looks at me and thanks me. I get up from my study chair and lean against the desk. "Amoura come and have dinner with us."

"I can't I'm going to take the girls to that little water park in town," I say to him and he steps forward and I step back. "And us?" "I don't know, I still haven't gotten over losing the life I should have had work with Clive."

"So what are you saying?" "I'm saying, give me time. Give me time to let go of the life I yearned with Clive and the others. Give me time, to let go." I say and he steps forward. 

"So you'll give us a chance in time?" "I don't know, I'm not the same person you knew." "So I'll get to know the new you." "I'm not worth knowing." "Yes, you are." "No, I'm not. You think I am but I'm not." I say as I look at him. "I'm sorry but I'm not worth it." "Amoura..." "you don't get it. I've done terrible things, I'd probably put your father to shame." "You're not like him, he did what he did willingly, you didn't." He says and he approaches me.

"Heminsworth I'm a weapon and turning back will cause me so much pain." "Amoura you stopped being a weapon the moment you were able to feel love for a person. You're home now you can have a fresh start from the military if that's what you wish," "why should I thrive at home when I let so many die!" "That wasn't you! Don't blame yourself for not seeing the bombing happen! That wasn't your fault. Look at me, you didn't cause that. Just because you did not see it coming doesn't mean it's your fault." He says as he steps forward. "You sound just like my mother." "That's because your mother was always right." "She told you didn't she?" "Your parents love me." He hugs me and a cold sets over me as he tries to comfort me, I can't seem to tell him why it is my fault, they all died. I think I'm still afraid I'll disappoint him.