The Catfight Guide (ON HOLD INDEFINITELY)

Introduction

We've all been in a catfight and if you say you hacen't, either you're not a girl or you're a superwoman... seriously.

Well, our catfight was at lunch and a girl made fun of our friend who was on crutches, thinking she had faked her accident which had caused damage to her ankle.

Give names: 

Rachel (Snuffle)

Tess (Uffagus) 

Our friend on crutches (Sandy)

The four 'mean girls' Cayley, Sophie, Selene, and Anna. 

So, our friend was crutch-walking and we were both carrying her bags behind her.

Selene: Hey, Anna tells me you fell on one foot and got hurt on the other. Wow! What's your story?

Sandy: Ask Anna if she's such a truthful friend. After all, she was laughing when it happened.

Sophie *murmuring*: I can't blame you, Anna.

Then Anna and Sophie started laughing. Tess and I wondered if we should have defended our friend, but we decided she was doing well on her own.

Then is when Sandy made the mistake. She stood up from the cafeteria bench, and went:

"B*tch, go buy yourself a life."

That's NOT what you do to bullies. When you swear or insult them, they feel like they need to win the fight. And so they keep talking, and the fight will never end. 

What you have to do is make a snippy comment that at first is not obvious, but later will be. Then, while the bully is thinking about what to answer you walk away. You basically have the last word.

And having the last word is VITALLY important in any kind of catfight. 

Then, Cayley answered.

"Yeah, I'll buy myself a life at the same store you bought those ugly glasses!" And her and all her friends giggled meanly again.

Then, Sandy got out of it pretty well. She laughed and said.

"Tess, Rachel, let's get out of here. My eyes are hurting from seeing too many Martians here."

And she had the last word. This is what we teach you in The Catfight Guide.