September 4,2017

Curiosity

Basically everyone goes threw phases in life, weather they realize it or not, they do, and they will, it isnt by a choice, its all apart of growing up and trying too find who you are and what makes you feel right, like 'who am I?', 'Is this who im gonna be for the rest of my life?', we all go threw these parts of life, questioning every little aspect of what lifes like, well, what im about too write is about a girl, who got lost finding who she was, and how only one step, one change, completely changed everything for her.

Firstly, im going too tell you a little bit about this girl, so you can get the grip a little bit of who she is. It all starts in a Little town called HappyValley, Minnesota on a bright beautiful day in summer 2001, on this day, a little girl was born, 6Lbs & 2oz, and no cares or worries in the world, little did she know the next fifteen years of her life would be completely different than what any average one would hope. Fast forward too this little girls first day of Kindergarten, and thats whenever anyone's first judgement begins, because these people around you are going too be the people that you end up graduating with, and having classes with until the end of your school career, some people may think nobody will even remember what happened in those years but they do, because most memories last a lifetime regardless of your age. This girl was picked on for the way she looked and acted, but there was more going on than her parents knew, her mother was being called too the office almost daily, because she was eating her work that she didn't want to do anymore, it may have seemed dumb and odd to the people around her, but too her, she was scared, she didn't know anyone around her, it was all so new, it was her way of trying too find her out. Not too long later, her teacher Mrs. Summy requested her mother to go take this little girl too the Dr too see if there was more going on than showing, sure enough there was, and this was only the beginning of her problems, she started taking medicine, and it helped but, it didn't help her physically, she was underweight for 6 years, she was six when it began, and she was eleven years old and weighing 52 pounds, but it worked for everyone around, as long as this girl was calm and doing what she was told to do, everyone was okay with it.

Eleven years old, began seeing therapists at the age of seven, then the real issues begin, shes diagnosed with severe depression, shes told by her own father that its all in her head, that she can control whats going on, but it isn't that easy whenever shes already had that blade too her arm so many times before, whenever all she ever wants too do anymore at that point is lay in her bed and cry, sleep all day, not eat, she never got hungry anymore, so she ended up dropping so much weight in no time, wondering why life feels like a complete ball of dizziness, curiosity, and being lost, she keeps on, she acts like the pills work, she acts like they help her, even whenever they never do, shes tired of always hearing 'its all in your head', 'you choose that life', 'you dont help, your perfectly fine', so she'd put on that smiling face everyone seemed too love and kept walking on with life, regardless of the pain.

At this point its winter 2014, shes thirteen years old, and the depression seems too only feel worse too her, its almost like that blade was her new best friend, like seeing all that blood drip down her arm onto the floor, gave her the complete feeling she had felt that life had just been missing, but truly, it wasn't, it seems only mentally she was crashing, and sure enough she was, it took no longer than three months after her birthday that she had first verbally threatened too kill herself, even tho those scars were covering every piece of her arms, she didn't feel like it was enough, so surely enough, she ended up doing one greatly regretful thing, and she ended up in her first mental institution, for thanksgiving she ended up eating a sandwich with strangers everywhere surrounding her, seven days later, shes being picked up and nothing was ever the same again, anxiety attacks daily, almost hourly, shes just finished middle school and this is how her time is ending up being spent, breathing in and out of a bag trying too not pass out after hyperventilating. She never had any friends growing up, other than her jacket, people would always look at her and wonder why, she never told anyone but that jacket made her feel safe, warm, and okay, even if she wore it all year around, she felt like she knew exactly who she was. Where was that jacket?

One week before open house freshman year, seventy-two pills later and shes over dosed, nobody ever knew, but she actually wished she would've never woken up after that night, because from that point, she wasn't the same, until she meet one person, one person who changed it all for her, she never thought there was an answer for what she was feeling, until he ended up guiding her, showing her, what love truly was. With most guys they only seen girls for the body, but this one wasn't, he was looking at her for who she was on the inside, she ended up learning who this guy was, he was almost the most annoying best friend for her. One day on September 8th, she ended up finding out she had an a problem with her overeies, and had too miss school September 9th, 2015, that night her phone went off, and sure enough it was him, asking what was going on, he was the only one, and from that conversation everything changed, she got a feeling that she had never had before, one so amazing it was beyond explainable, if her phone even got close too dying shed doge too the charger and make sure it wouldn't because all night that night those two talked non stop, they ended up talking on the phone for almost four to five hours long, that night it changed, she ended up falling head over heels for the most deerpy, intelligent, perfect guy in her eyes, that night they became more than friends, they became in love, that day became their anniversary, it was all so perfect, it may have taken time too adjust, but it was perfect, so perfect, even tho she was very questionable, it was okay, she felt so okay, for once she didn't feel alone, or sad, she felt okay, but the good kind of okay, he lifted her off her feet, and showed her love, showed her what it truly felt like too be loved. Almost nine months together, and all that love built up and something more happened that June, they ended up giving themselves too each other, what ended up feeling so right, ended up causing something more, A perfect little girl that whom they will soon meet on her daddy's birthday.

Some love may end up taking years and years of life too find, others may be right under your nose, but being alone never helps, but maybe having someone is what can help, it may not be for everyone, but it was for her, she may never know what could've happened, she may never know all the answers too her wonders, but in life theirs always going too be unanswered questions weather we like them or not, me myself, have millions of unanswered questions, but im learning too accept them, and know its okay that i have those questions, but for that girl, maybe she feels the same, maybe she doesn't, but one thing i do know, is that she will never be the same again.