Faded Love

I was walking up 2nd street. It's probably the steepest street I've ever walked up.

I was listening to the song Saviour by Black Veil Brides and singing along to it.

I lost myself in my thoughts and by the time I knew it. I was at the cemetery.

I stood at the gate and just caught my breath.

After a few minutes I decided to look for my grandpas grave.

I found it after a few minutes of searching and sat down.

"I miss you..." I said. A tear found it's way out of my eye and was resting on my cheek.

I looked at the gauze on my wrists and had a flashback.

(Flashback)

I woke up in a bright white room and my vision was blurry.

"I think it worked. I'm dead" I said to myself. I had just tried to commit suicide.

My vision got clearer. I wasn't dead. I was in the hospital...

I tried to go back to sleep but the door opened and closed.

I heard high heels walk in and stand beside me.

"This is bullshit Lex. This is Bullshit." It was my mom. I was surprised. She's a Christian lady, so she's like completely against cussing, she has brown hair, brown eyes and and is slightly shorter than me. "What the fuck is wrong with you!? Suicide? Really? Why can't you be normal like your sister or brother or me!? As your sister would say, 'Grow some balls and fucking deal with it' Bitch"

All I did was stare at her and sit up. I took a deep breath and cleared my throat.

"Would you fucking listen to yourself. Just fucking listen. Did you not hear one word you just fucking said!!?? Oh geez, I have no fucking idea why I tried to fucking die. Its not like my family disrespects me, i get bullied, beat up, harrased. Just leave!! And come back when you have the courage to talk to me with respect. So i guess I'll see you... uh... never!!"

My flashback ended and I didnt know I was crying the whole time.

She's treated me like this ever since my grandpa died, a year ago, today. November 1st. That's why I'm here at the cemetary.

I just curled up next to him and cried.

"Why? Why did you have to leave...?" I said while crying.

I didnt want to feel like this anymore. I grabbed my backpack and searched through it.

I pulled out my shiney new blade.

I slid the blade across my other arm, putting pressure on it letting the blood drip down my arm.

It felt good. It's been a good couple weeks since I cut myself.

I couldn't stand anything at this point. I was screaming my head off crying.

My grandpa was one if the closest people to me. And now he's gone. I'll never see him again.

I calmed down and realized I had cut myself more deeper during that breakdown of mine.

I just sat there crying I had my knees up to my chest, and my face buried in my hands.

I heard some people talking far away so I just stayed quiet.

The talking stopped then I heard some footsteps that sounded like someone was running towards me.

I thought it was just a jogger so I just stayed where I was and kept my head down.