Fade

hey so this is my first time doing something like this so I hope you enjoy ok bye n _ n just as a warning some of this story had triggering content I'm sorry. I'm sorry.. and try to ignore grammar errors I'm fixing them.

I look out the window. "Its so boring here. I wish I could leave this place." I think to myself. "Lidia answer this question." The teacher asks me. I look at them then back out the window. "She's not going to answer." Some girl says while laughing. Others join with her. I haven't spoken for about 2 years. I don't get why people keep asking me to talk. I don't want to, why can't people get that? The bell rings for the end of the day. Walking to my locker people look at me then turn away laughing and speak among themselves. "Just ignore it" I repeat in my head. I decide not to go to my locker and just continue walking. Out of the school. Down the street. I don't know where I'm going, I just keep walking.

~later~

I end up at the park by my house. I throw down my stuff and start swinging. Pulling the sharp object out of my pocket. Running it carefully across my wrist. "Lidia!" Someone calls from behind me. I quickly pull down my sleeve and put it back in my pocket. Someone grabs my arm. I look at whoever is there. I jump up and hug them. "So you do remember me." He starts to laugh. "Its been a long time." I nod in agreement. "So what are you doing out here by yourself?" He looks at me. I look down. "Mmm..." I attempt to speak. I attempted to speak. I haven't wanted to speak this whole time but now...I want to talk to him, to someone. My best friend since we were little. The one who went to America and I haven't spoken to since. "N...noth..nothing" I slowly and carefully stutter. "Are you alright? Why are you speaking so oddly?" He asked concerned. I look away. How do I tell him I haven't spoken in two almost three years, and about all the other things..? We stand there in the snow. "I..I'm so...sorry...J-Jack.." I look at him about to cry. Jack hugs me and says "Let's go back to your house. Its cold and we can talk their, ok?" I nod my head and start walking home. Jack walks ahead of me.

At home my mom hugs Jack and tells him about me not speaking and being distant. He starts to say I talked to him but I shake my head no at him. "What were you saying?" My mom asks him. "Nothing Mrs. B." I start walking down to the basement where my room is. Jack fallows "Why haven't you spoken?" He asks me when we sit on my bed. I stay silent then whisper "I don't know anymore." lies. Jack hugs me. "That's alright. Hey I moved back to London. You should come over. Are we back to being best friends?" I look at him. "You moved back? Yay. When did we ever stop?" I slowly say. Jack looks at me "Ha ha yeah. I guess we never did stop. Shall we play video games like old times?" I start to laugh. I feel so good. I haven't in such a long time. "Yeah."

~about 3 hours of gaming and hanging out~

"Um..I'll be right back." I say walking out of the room. I don't wait for a response, I just keep walking. I go into the bathroom and lock the door behind me. I take it out again. Running it across my arms. Why am I doing this? I'm happy. Well happier than I was. I see the slow bubbling rise of blood on my skin. That's right... I deserve this.. While wrapping cloth around my arm someone knocks on the door. "Hey are you alright in there?" Jack asks. I open the door and nod yes. "Its almost eight, I think I'll be going home. Do you want to stay the night?" Jack asks me as we walk back downstairs. "What about my mo.." I start. I'm 19. I can stay at someone's house if I want to...right? "Sure."

I go down to my room and get a change of clothes. My mom comes downstairs and says "Jack told me you were going over to his place. You two never changed have you? Still the bestest friends. You know what'll happen when you get back." she snickers and walks upstairs. I walk upstairs and Jacks waiting at the door "Bye Mrs.B." he calls. I wave at my mom and walk out the door. I'm scared..

It was silent untill we got to the tunnel. "You're so different.." Jack's says. "What happened when I was away?" I swipe my oyster card and look at him. All I could think to say to him was sorry. "I'm sorry.. sorry." I look at the floor. "Will you talk to me? Tell me something?" I can read the concern in his voice. I nod and we bored the train. When I sit down a girl, that I recognize from class, walks up go me. "Hey! Why the fuck won't you ever speak? Are you like dumb or something!" She starts laughing. I look away, but she continues. "Oh. I'm sorry, did I hurt your feelings? A little piece of shit like you needs taught a lesson." She holds up her hand and is about to smack me when Jack stands in her way. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING?!" He booms. I've never seen him so angry with someone. She backs up and snickers "Looks like dip shit here has a body guard. Why don't you come with me instead of that loser." Jack bends down and looks her in the eyes "No one talks like that to my friend's. And I'm not the kind of person whose attracted to sluts." Calming himself he sits back down. The girl laughs and walks away almost falling when the train takes a turn. I mouth "thank you" to Jack.

The rest of the ride was easy no one talked to us again and we just sat there. His apartment was only three blocks from the tunnel. We both sighed when we saw the lift was out of order. Walking up 18 flights of stairs is not the best thing on the world. Now we're sitting on the couch. I look at him "Why did you do that?" He looks confused "Do what? Are you talking about on the train?" I nod. "Because you're my best friend." It sounded as if he was going to say something else but didn't. "Oh." I quietly say. I excuse myself to the bathroom again. I sit on the floor. As I sit there I realized that I still have feelings for him. Before he left I liked him and I still do.. I hope they don't grow to much and him find out. He'll think it's weird...

I guess I was in there for awhile because the next thing I knew Jack was kneeling in front of me looking worried. "Lidia. Are ok?!" I look at him confused. "Yeah...I'm fine.. sorry" I get up. Jack hugs me, I can feel my face go red. We stood their for a little bit. He didn't let go so I didn't either. "Please tell me what's wrong." He whispers. I almost start crying but I stop myself and put on a ·smile· "I'm fine." Jack studies my face and shakes his head no. "I know you're not.. please tell me when you're ready." I look down "yeah.." Jack takes my hand and he walks me to the going to be living room. While I was in the bathroom he set up the telly (television) and got out some movies. "I don't really have much unpacked so I thought we'd just hangout and watch some stuff." Jack says while holding up his favorite movie, home alone. I sit down on the couch. "Do you want to take your jacket off?" I say no a little to quickly and he looks confused "Sorry." We both say.

I fell asleep during the movie. I'm guessing it's past midnight. I realize that I'm laying down, in his lap!? I sit up trying not to wake him. That's embarrassing... I go to the bathroom and sit on the edge of the tub. After awhile I rinse the blood off the bottom of the tub. I wipe the water off and lay down in the tub.

"Um..Why are you in the tub?" Jack's standing over me looking confused but also like he wants to bust out laughing. I sit up "I'm sorry..I don't..know." I curl up into a ball and sit there. "It's fine. I was just worried when I woke up and you weren't there anymore." I get out of the tub "What time is it?" I ask. "6 am. I'm gonna take a shower. I don't think I smell that good." he makes a disgusted face "Is that ok?" I walk out of the bathroom "I'll be on tumblr."