If I Run

Prologue

Living alone sucked. Especially when you weren't very popular or well known in the community. The only upside to living alone and not having friends is no drama. My life was drama free until he came.

His name I shall not tell, but I will tell you that he came in my life and left a mess in the black hole which is my heart. Like I said , I am not very popular, I have no friends, I'm not outspoken. But he, he is the light in the room, everyone's attention is always on him, he can make even the gloomiest of people smile. He is my light. No, he is my sun, he is the only source of light in my life.

I live in a small one bedroom flat near Tower Bridge, actually across the street from the damned thing. Always causing traffic and making me late to class. But the plus side to living by Tower Bridge was Potters Field. Potters Field was my safe haven. I usually go there after class and write about him in my novel. I would write about his hands, his lips, his smile, and his eyes. Don't get me started on his eyes, you could honestly drown in his eyes. But sadly he doesn't acknowledge my presence. But who could blame him, nobody really knows I exist. Well maybe my teachers, but that's about it. 

Writing about him lets out all of my pent up emotions. I write little poems about him and I usually write down the names of song tittles that relate to how I feel about him. 

The song that has constantly come to mind when I see or think of him is Middle Distance Runner by Sea Wolf. Especially the last two stanzas.

"Well I'm so proud tonight

Of the woman you've become

And I'm just too tired to fight

So my darling, I'll succumb

But you'll have to run to me tonight

Tonight I will love you forever

But I'll only ever be a middle distance runner"

Except for the part about being a woman, I feel like I can honestly relate to this. When I hear this I want to shout this to his face and make him notice, But I could never do such a thing to him or myself. I just want him to be happy with what he has and not intrude on his life. 

Winter time in London sucks, I'm not a fan of the tubes so I usually take the bus. The bus to my uni takes about an hour and a half. I study at London School of Economics and Political Science. I major in Law so life isn't very exciting, actually life's pretty boring. My daily routine consists of waking up, taking a quick shower, running to the bus, go to my classes, leave, go home and finish m assignment, repeat. Honestly, I don't think I could be happier with my life. Moving from Tunbridge Wells to here was a nice change. I loved moving at a slow pace in a fast city. It gives me a sense of freedom. I loved everything about London, especially the wide varieties of people you find. When I've finished my studies for the night I usually look at the window, have some relaxing music playing, and just watch people. It's relaxing, and I can tell you I've never seen the same person walk past twice, but I always try to look out for them. 

So now I'm sat here looking out my window thinking about tomorrows lonely school day when I see something familiar.  Or should I say someone. There walking down on the pavement, with what I am assuming is his girlfriend, is him. The asshole who stole my heart, the asshole is the only source of light in my life. I knew he was very flirtatious but I never knew he had a girlfriend.... Do you hear that? Oh that's just my heart, shattering into a million pieces. 

I closed the window and went to the stove, boiling some water for tea; that's really the only thing that seems to calm my nerves during times like these.

After pouring the hot water into a cup with a tea bag, I poured in the hot water and watched it fill the glass. I slowly sipped at my tea.

"He'll notice me one day" I thought to myself.

But hey, at least I already know my life sucks.

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Hiiiiii! If you're reading this thank you so so sooooo much! Please give me feedback and such, sorry if it's short, I am a full time student but I really wanted to write this because every FF I've read (besides after, baby doll, and kryptonite) have been quite the same and boring.... sooooo I decided to write my own! Please give it a vote if you liked it and add it your library so you can be notified when I update (mostly the weekends because like I said full time student!)

Love you!

BP