12:09 a.m.
There is multiple times I think of you. I lay here, what seems like every night, thinking of you. I lay in bed, and stare at the blank walls, and flickering lights, and think of you. I lay here and think of you for countless hours, overthinking every move and action I ever made towards you. Sometimes good things, but mostly bad. I lay here, and think of those words you said, the night we got into it. Replaying the anger you had in your drunken voice. Did you mean everything you said? Were your actions, really you? Or was it the alcohol. Because of you, I can't look at things the same. I can't walk through the halls at school, without feeling the presence you left behind. I can't have a normal, cuddly, loving relationship because of you. I can't talk to people and be the social butterfly I was before, because of you. Why did you do this to me? Why did you leave me like this? You treated me as if I was a toy, that didn't have a meaning anymore because I didn't enthuse you. You promised me, so so many things. You filled my little heart with so much promise and fulfillment. You told me things that made me feel on top of the world. You made me feel alive. Just to ruin all of the feelings I ever had. You crushed me. All the dignity, pride, hope, and love I had, you took from me. You left me with nothing. For 2 months after you left, I was dying, begging for help through my painless smile. I didn't go out anymore. I didn't hang with all of my friends on Friday nights. I stopped going to football games. I Stopped communication with everyone. You left me with so much pain, that one night I tried to stop the pain. All of the sleepless nights I spent crying, and blaming it all on myself, led up to that one night. But you didn't care. You never did. All I wanted was you to stay, to love me. But I wasn't enough. So now, I lay here, and think of you. I think of the things you said and the things you did. Trying to grasp why you ever did this to me. Maybe it was me, Maybe it was you. I guess I'll never know. So I'll just lay here.
