Letter To myself

"Bittersweet Start"

Im depressed. I'm not physically in pain but I'm emotionally in pain.Did you get it? It's really hard to cure a crushed heart. Like mine. I don't know what's the meaning of happiness anymore because if it's about family, My sisters not here, if it's about friendship, mine are all FAKE, if it's about relationships I don't have one. So I don't know what to say anymore. All I know is im sad. Yep you can say that my heart is totally crushed into tiny little pieces.I cried today with anger,sadness,hate,doubt with God. I'm just really being honest. I don't want to be like one of those fake good ones. I don't know what's the right thing to do right now. I don't have anyone to talk here but myself. It may sound really crazy and dumb but I don't have a choice. I have to give advices to my own self so that I can prevent myself for killing myself. I've really wanted to kill myself by not breathing. But you know suicide is a sin. I have a lot or trillions or zillions of sins. I don't know how to live happy. Though I know everyone of us have big problems but I feel like giving up. I've been through a lot of pain because im lonely. I'm doing my best to be with people around me but all of them seems to be fake. I've tried to be in a group but they're just treating me like I'm not important. That's how I feel because they are rude to me. So now you know I'am so lonely that I'm always talking to myself like I have a twin. I'm talking to God everyday in happiness and in sadness. But sometimes in my loneliest times I doubt God's existence. Honestly I'm so sinful right? How am I going to change? No one will help me. They were some people who helped me but it was only a short period of time. So my loneliness always come back. I know what you're thinking, Drama. But all of those words came from my heart. It was so long right? I wanted to let it all out. So now that I've done it. I'm still lonely. It sucks. 8/12/16 From LetterToMyself 😭💔