Sleep. Let sleep come. Just drift off, floating away into a peaceful slumber. Feel yourself slipping away to subconsciousness. Your eyelids feeling like lead and and every part in your body is slowly relaxing to the restful oblivion.
My eyes snapped open. Nope, I can't sleep, not in this state. Nerves and stress reached every inch of my body. I can't do it, I'm not that. How could I be with my perfectly normal and adequate background.
I'm in an average all American family. I went to an average school. I had an average relationship and average friends, average popularity. My family was never religious but that doesn't mean that my family can't have 'religion related' phobias.
I am not one of those phobias.
"But your are," a small voice in my head argued back, "You can't keep lying to yourself like this."
Yes I can," I spoke through gritted teeth.
"No you can't," the voice persisted. I tried to respond to myself but I just couldn't seem to.
"Go to the washroom and tell yourself the truth. You deserve to know, its been gnawing at you for years. Don't doubt yourself.
My body moved on its own, getting out of bed and walking towards the door. I couldn't help but think at how much this was like a horror movie I placed my hand on the doorknob. The site swung open without so much as a creak, I froze. That door, my door is the loudest is all the doors I have encountered. I wanted to stop this and continue pretending, I'm not going to the washroom I'm going back to bed. Standing still directly in front of the washroom door, I was staring at it and it was staring at me.
"You can do this!" The voice encouraged, it was much stronger than before. I nodded believing its words. I opened the thick wooden door and stepped through quickly shutting the door and stepped through quickly shutting the door behind me before turning to face the mirror.
All at once my strength crumbled to dust, no one can be brave to themselves. Those wide, confused eyes reflected my own, fear showing in every cell. My whole body shook as I took a deep breath.
"It's the truth."
I set my shoulders back before taking a deep breath. I collected myself before opening my mouth to say these words I've been denying for my whole life.
"I'm gay."
