Lost

The lost

Blasting music...dark room all you see as you come in but I guess that's all you would want to see as the site of what in the dark is too much to bare all ready. Because in the dark is a boy about 14 bent over on his bed in tears with bloody arms crying and it's so dark you see none of it so u slowly back out an shut the door in which you opened... But yea your probably wondering why I would of started there well it's because it's where my life started going for the worst. So let's talk about where all this started I was about 5 when I started to realize it all and what was going on I would come home from school and my mother would be sadder and sadder but as time went one night I i hured my father say " you little fucking bitch" then went onto hit her 7 times or so I think but at the time I was about 6 so I dint know better so I just listened up until I hear my mom yell " I am done I put up with you for so long,why do I do this I don't need you I don't ,me and him are leaving" an as you know being 6 and leaving you dad was hard so hard it had me in tears as we walk out the door that we never went back to. From that day on it was never the Same the next 4 years my mom went from one bad relationship to another till one night she had one too many drinks that they took the best of her. An that night she gave up and said goodbye not only to me but to life and everyone that cared for her. that next week I went to my first foster home I was ten at that time so it was hard really had as time went on I started to fall and fall fast it was bad I was never properly cared for. So I ended on jumping from home to home because no one wanted a kid from a broken home with no future so....yea to tonight in my room my most recent foster home has been slipping from my fingers just as my grasp on life is only because I've been so lost and so badly hurt that I've started cutting because I feel useless like who wants a broken kid. what's the point if I mean nothing and never will mean anything to anyone ...so sitting on my bed crying an cutting in the pure blackness of my room but strangely at the same time I am trying not to cut but the urge is to hard to fight so I just given.. I just sit there crying because I feel like I've fucked up so bad and just don't want to go on any more like this as I think I just want to be normal again just like once before. why was this life of hell given to someone not strong enough to Handle it.. As I sit there thinking I cut one last time but I make this cut worth it. I made it worth it as I bled out I think I was never worth it they all wanted this... I'm just a lost boy