The Real Orihara Izaya

no pair, slight shinra izaya friendship, gloomy fic just like the author
Pic by HanaxYuki on defianart

A/n: first, thank you for read this fic. This is my second fic. I’m still newbie. So please no flame, no bash. Enjoy.

Everybody knows the great informant of shinjuku, Orihara Izaya. Everyone knows that Izaya is a cruel, insane bastard who likes to play with human emotion without feeling guilty. He is a pest that keep his sinful mouth only to annoy you. He is a real devil’s son that destroy human’s life just for his amusement. But, no one know the real Orihara Izaya. No one sees how weak he is inside his heart. No one feels the pain he keeps for years......

Izaya likes to be feared, he likes being praised, he likes being dominants, he likes controls. Yes, he likes controls so no one knows who he really is. Izaya never show how weak his heart is. Izaya never show weak emotion like human has. Sad, greed, lust, wrath. But insanity is the only he has. Izaya doesn’t have someone to talk to. He trust no one with his heart. He doesn’t want anyone break his fragile heart.
Everyone knows that izaya doesn’t have anything he fear in his life. But they are wrong.

Izaya has a looot of fears. He fears death, fear to be alone, fear a rejection.

Izaya knows since he was a kid, that he was strange. No normal kid would observe human behaviour like him. No normal kid would have.... A red eyes... Like him. And since he is an adult, he realize something that makes him more fear of rejection. He was.... Gay....

No one loves a strange kid, no one loves a person with demon’s red eyes, and now.... Great (sarcasm).... He is unlovable. At least, no one knows he is gay. If one know, his world will be crumble. He will face the rejection from his friend, from his boss, and the most frightening is.... The rejection from his family.... His parents to be exact....

He can’t share his feelings to anyone. He doesn’t trust anyone anyway. Human are likely to gossiping, especially if it was about your most hateful person.... So, he keep his feelings save in his weak heath, under hundreds lock without a key.

No one knows the real izaya. Yes, no one, besides his best friend, Kishitani Shinra, (if izaya admit he is his best friend). Shinra has been his friend since middle school, so he quite knew about him. About selfhatred izaya keeps. About how fucked up his emotion (if it’s not his life). And how heartbroken the man was. And so, one day, Shinra invite izaya to his apartment, talking some encourage words to cheer him up. Hopefully, it’s gonna work on him.

“Izaya, please. Don’t hate yourself. You’re not unlovable.”

“Shinra. We have talked about it. You can’t change my perspective about myself, or about h They hate me,ok.“ Izaya sigh. This conversation just like a broken CD, start, debate, done, repeated, again and again, it will be repeated again someday.

“No izaya. The only one hates you is yourself. It’s your mind that keep telling you that everyone hates you. I don’t hate you, well, sometimes I get annoyed but it doesn’t mean I hate you.” Shinra explain so he can make izaya understand.

“Shinra. Do you.... Know.... That I am.... Ga –“
“yes I knew.  I knew you’re gay. And no, I don’t hate you for it. So please. Don’t hate youself izaya.” Shinra begged desperately.

Izaya widen his eyes. Shinra knew he is gay and he doesn’t hate him? Wao. That’s a record in his life. But....

“Maybe, you don’t hate me. But what about my family? What about my parents? They’re gonna hate me.”
“Izaya.... They will understand you. They can’t force your sexuality!”
“no Shinra. You don’t understand my family!”

Izaya stand up, run out of the apartment, back to his own apartment. Lock in his room, cry his heart out. No one sees this part of his. And no one gonna believe even if they’re told.

His parents. Izaya scared the rejection from his parents. But he can’t change the way he as easy as he changed his biodata on dollars chat room, can he.... No option come to his head. The great orihara Izaya doesn’t know what to do if it involved his parents.....

In the end, Izaya believed he is all alone....

A/n: this fic is based on how author feels as a fujoshi. I fear for rejection from being a fujoshi, rejection from my friends and from My parents. Thankfully, my brother knew it and it doesn’t bother him.... Being fujishi is a real struggle..... (Sorry for author’s babbling)