.Deloris Morgan Jordan
Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, now let's blow out the candles. I baked the cake myself, and bought the presents...and, well I'm sure by now the points given. Loneliness is a teenage girl with a low budget and small breast. My awkward out right persona isn't exactly the me in a white dress riding a white horse on the beach for my invitation cover either. I didn't exactly make a cake. I kind of, sort of stacked two boxes of pop tarts on top of each other and stuck them in the oven. It taste like cancer and looks like the Pills Berry Dough Boy broke up with that glove thingy from the hamburger helper box and binge ate in tell massive tummy fracture. Suicide by pastry I for one blame the Kebler elves.
My bed rooma visual embodiment of a likewise child's mind the animals on this safari are stuffed, the artwork is a banter of Crayola, and Sharpie, and the boys of which I swoon aren't real boys at all. Awwhh Echigo Koshihikari when you swing your blade it makes me want you to swing your sword in me. No if you're wondering today I didn't turn 5. I'm of the healthy, yet disturbingly socially underdeveloped age of 19 as of 13 hours ago. The best part of this year was an escape of mental distress harnessing the knowledge that I and my peers aren't peers at all. I never pondered to ask the reason why because the answer was apparent. I'm aware that I'm an odd duck I'm fine on dry land, but it's not where I belong. I was very rudely enlightened to the fact that this diploma it doesn't change much. It's not like some magical peace of scripture that explains how to be successful, make people like you, or even what to do after high school. I was going at that thing rapid looking for secret clues. I tried the decoder ring in the serial box, nothing the Devinci code nada, I even went Nick Cage and took a lighter to it invalid, inconclusive, access denied, access denied, access denied worthless. I put it up on eBay hopefully some slacker with the same name has 20 bucks to blow, then again there's the whole crack addiction and making bail dilemma. High hopes for future homeless folks and prison yard princesses. I'll take commissary I can find some use for cigs, shivs and those little bars of soap, perhaps an art project.
I see the need to get unsoiled it seems I've fashioned myself a candy man's beard out of all the crumbs and gunk falling on my face and after about 40 minutes of trying to sneer down and lick it off somewhere dense a quarrel of decency or more likely the looming fear that an army of ants were going to eat my face something told me this wasn't awfully lady like
Wintry waters summit in drops and drips from this faucet in this apartment that needs to be fixed and as I take in to a toothpaste stained mirror in a honest jest a picture as prominent as a your reflection perusal in your face slender figure yet oddly shaped fit the fix or risk the shame split your legs or die alone fathom hope and smile as those who as the world passes you by to acquaint their approach. The water is still cold and my landlord is still a dick. The chilling water reaches half way up my calf's a pain sickening reminder of that rusty drain clogged with long curled burgundy locks, purple hue blankets pale skin accompanying the numbness. I cry for about 7 minutes before I catch myself doing it then I imagine dogs doing the nasty and everything is peachy keen. Showers scare me I hate seeing myself naked. I've always taken my glasses off first my sense of sensory, last is my yellow hoodie I found it in the lost and found in 4th grade and has had it sense ,shows how much this sprout has blossomed. It has to be at least my favorite possession ever as in all time and in death.
I've always dressed pretty much the same way. I'm no fashion expert, but I have my own sense of style bag lady in training, that cat cuddler of 63, the birth control of thread and needles pretty snazzy if I do say so myself. Frizzed pony, ripped red high tops, multi patterned sox for extra interesting girls, grape soda purple shorts like some sub-feminine Incredible Hulk. It works for me, as a dick repellent, but same thing.
Mother dearest sent me a cool 60 smackers from Wyoming. We don't talk a zip so the guilt trip I'm rolling in it. Rolling being birthday, Christmas, last summer when I broke my leg. My mother, the immense spender, the god given nurturer, the I'm lying because I need a hug. That woman, the only reason she funded me moving to Dc was to jib me off the Christmas card. Let's see if your third husband wears the reindeer antlers, and if so where's that flashing nose going? Not on his face! Face it you need me, well apparently not. I wasn't prissy pageant pre-Madonna material, so my model was more sufficiently suited for the missing child on the cereal box.
Seeing as it is my birthday and all and I got some dollars in my pocket lets plan out what's the do to do today with all of my friends, oh wait... I just made myself sad. Oh but coffee, and Manga, and actually leaving my apartment so my neighbors know I'm not dead yes, yes I think I'm on to something here, to excited... headache, nose bleed and away we go.
I gracefully walk these crowed streets of Dc. with stride, robot stride avoiding on coming pedestrians with emetic electric slide it's what all the cool kids do, and me. I always get my coffee at Black Bottoms I've always thought it sounded like a black booty strip club and god knows I'm down with the swirl... in my coffee, oh and penis defiantly penis
"Howdy Gail, what's brewing?" "Happy birthday sugar how's my birthday girl?" Gail's cool she's one of those big bodied extra busty middle aged extra nice servers to which everyone in their presence is a sweetie, sugar, sugar pie, or hun. I asked her if she's ever worked at a diner in nowhere Texas she gave me strange looks, I'll take that as a yes. "I'm swell Gail can't you tell." "Oh stop all that rhyming silly girl where's your boyfriend at hun?" "Gail you know I don't have one." "Well I don't see why not!" "Some of us don't look like Dolly Parton and Pamela Anderson's wed lock secret." "Hehe, calm now sugar we all have are Cover Girls to keep Vitoria's Secret I aint no different you just need a little spruce to your satire." "Well if you say so Gail." "I most certainly do, now its Wednesday, so Mint chocolate chip peppermint pumpkin spice?" "That will be a yep, oh and" "Gram crumbles?" "Lady you know me all too well." "It's my job sugar, and today I'm a slave to you, on the house." "Thanks Gail, and come the 15th" "Press on nails witch red." "You got it doll see you soon." Nicest lady ever, ever.
Mouth on slurp tunes on high MSI likes the gospel short walk around the block to Reeds. Bookstore of the gods my fingers fidget with the syrup spilling over my cup I try wiping it with my sleeve, but that just made it fuzzy. It's a riot in this bish there's like 5 people, in a book store, on the weekend, at least I know I'm an outcast I wonder if these people do. There was mister suit and tie reading the wall street journal, a dark hair green eyed Calvin Klein this is where the smoke hits and I imagine the strip tease I know boys don't notice me, but if so dudes a dream boat. There was this tall thin perfect skin toned Aphrodite reading a Cosmo if she isn't a model she needs to be, there for I hate her guts. "Hey Bran, who's your friend?" "This is Betjeman, introduction, introduction and scene." Bran was urban, from the streets, but he just got accepted to some boarding school, suits him he's a wicked smart kid never really seemed suited for the thug life he be repping misfits, and sex pistols not gangs and slang I'm happy for him. His friend was some punk kid, not snot nose, but U.K he looked real pop punk like those blink 182, good charlotte types, he had a book on law in his hands, I wonder what's going on there. "Hey, Hey, you boys in a band or something, or do 'you just look the part? "Actually he'll be leaving the platform soon, and Bet's trying to bring me on deck before the boat sinks." "Geez well things just keep on making your flowers grow huh Bran flakes. "Yep seems so I've turned into a regular old harbinger of high fives, and handshakes." "So, buddy new shipments?" "Right where you're used to them lady." "Thanks Raisin Bran." The Manga wall, Death note, bleach and Gundom, Clannd, Gantz, Fruit basket a full array of goodies for me to enjoy, excuse me as a faint into bliss.
