Chapter 1: A New beginning
It's been three months since that tragic day. Sherlock's death. I've been going to weekly therapy sessions to try and help me cope. Apparently its working but I don't think so. Every time I close my eyes I can see him falling and falling and i'm frozen with fear. My feet always seems to be glued to the ground, there's nothing I can do. He saved me and I owed him so much.
That last phone call. Something wasn't right. It was like he was trying to tell me something. There's this feeling inside me that won't go away and I don't know what it is. Ever since he's been gone this feeling has grown stronger. What he said in his last phone call wasn't true I'm sure of it. What he is, what he does is so remarkable but also annoying. Only he can do it. I wish he was here with me now. I miss him. It's just me all alone in this miserable lonely apartment sitting opposite his chair staring at the empty space, hoping for him to turn up like he always does. But this time I think he's gone for good.
Mrs Hudson had been very helpful trying to reassure me. Making me feel better and comforting me. After all Sherlock somehow managed to earn a place in every bodies heart, even if he was an arrogant self-obsessed bastard. Now that he's gone, a big chunk of my heart has been ripped from my chest. I suppose he was my best friend. Anyway I have broken up with Sarah. This was not helping me through this time. She thought I had changed and that my life revolved around my job and Sherlock. Maybe she was right? I don't know, all I did know was I had to get over him and move on. Right?
So I decide to try and forget about him. HA! That was a mistake. I just couldn't erase him from my mind; something inside of me wasn't allowing me to. Something inside me was hanging on to him but what? I'm so confused. All these emotions and feelings I can't handle them all at once. It's too much. No wonder Sherlock chose not to feel or have emotions.
Molly came to visit me. She didn't look so happy either, her eye makeup was all smudged, tear drops had formed in her eyes, her once bright smile was now a depressed frown. We talked and Drank tea, we shared the good memories we had of Sherlock (not that we had many) and we talked about our other memories of him, mostly just bitching about him but in that good sort of way, after all he did bring us together.
"If it wasn't for Sherlock I wouldn't know where I would be. A world without Sherlock Holmes is like a world without nature. Do I dare think of what It would have been like for me if I'd never met him. Because of him I wouldn't have a place to live, because of him I wouldn't have a job, because of him I wouldn't of met all these wonderful people who are some of my closest friends and because of him I would be alone. as he was my best friend. There is still a part of me that has tiny bit of hope that he will appear out of the blue. Who am I kidding? it's nearly been 3 months and still no sign of him. What was probably supposed to be his most astonishing magic trick of all? Had failed. Even the great Sherlock Holmes can't cheat Death."
Molly just smiled. She never said much I think it hurt her too much to; I knew she secretly had a crush on him I could see it every time she looked at him. That look of love twinkled in her eyes as he was always looking through his microscope. She might have not said a lot, but enough for me to figure out how she really felt.
"I just miss him so much john. I never thought he would.... You know. There's something that I wanted to tell him but I never got the chance"
"What was it you can tell me?"
"I'm not sure if I can"
"Maybe it will make you feel better it's not like Sherlock can hear you"
I knew what she wanted to say but I needed to hear it from her
"I....I have always sort of had".....
"Feelings for Sherlock" I interrupted
"Yes. Yes I have and I've never had the courage to tell him. I regret it. I wish I had".
