Death?
For some it's just the end of a human life, others are scared of dying. And then there are those broken people who just wish their heart would stop beating and their breath would stop to fill their lungs, who would greet death with a smile on their face.
Life?
For some it's flowers and sunshine and breathing the fresh air, others are just living,numb,just existing. And then there are these broken people who are scared of living,scared to take another breath,or they are just tired of having to fake happiness.
I was always a kid who ran with scratched knees over fields,not worrying about nothing,free. How I miss this time. And how I miss this little happy girl I used to be.
How everything began?
I don't know anymore. Maybe as my mum got cancer, maybe as I started to be nice to others, but not to myself. Maybe as boys started to get more interesting,maybe as I started to look at how skinny other girls were. I don't know anymore.
Other girls, there we are. Other girls. Always those other girls everybody admires. Perfect hair, perfect smile, perfect body, perfect family, perfect attitude. I was one of them.
Pretty house, pretty pool, good private school, good grades. I grew up with protective parents who were always working,getting more and more money, lost in the jungle of finances,companies and money,only money. No time for the daughter with the pretty room and the thousands of stuffed animals, something I could cuddle instead of my parents. But teddy bears and bunnies are not going to give you an anchor when everything falls apart. You can only soak them with your salty tears of disappointment and loneliness.
