I met you on my second year, we immediately click as friends. We always chat each other and talk on the phone. when there is no teacher we listen to music on my phone. We shared the earphones and played games at the same time. We had a lot if happy moments together.
Then this feeling came to me, I fell in love with you. I told you my feeling because we are friends. Then you told me you dont feel the same way and that you will pursue one of our classmates. its ok. im fine with that but i did not tell you that i wont stop loving you.
That was bad for me because as your relationship grows my love for you grows deeper at the same time. im in pain whenever i see you together. when you hold her, hug her and worst kiss her in front of me. i know that you know of my feelings for you and were still friends so i dont understand why you torture me this way.
when she broke up with you, you came to my house. There you told me how much you love her and want her forever in your life. It broke my heart hearing you say that. Then you ask me if i still have feelings for you. when i said yes you look me in the eye and holds my cheek in your hands, i see that you feel sorry for me that you cannot reciprocate what i feel. then you kiss me. i was shock on what you did that i pull away. you apologize to me and said that you just got carried away.
when you are about to leave i hold your hand. you look at me then i kissed you. i know that this is wrong because you do not love me as much as i do you. i know, but still this is the only way i can have you. even for just one time. even only for a moment.
i gave myself to you that day. i remember it well until now. I made love to you but i know, to you it doesnt mean anything. i was just your release, your current lay. when your done you thank me, that put a knife in my heart. i know that you might not learn to love me because you are deeply inlove with her but ill take what i can. ill take it. even if it kills me.
My friend told me to stop that you are just using me for sex. That i am putting myself down more. That i am worth more than that. I cant, because I just really love you that much that i forgot all the right and reasonable things to do. I know that I should never let you use me but i just cant stop. because i love the time i spend with you. i love you. i believe that sometimes rebounds get happy endings too.
When you got back with her, it tear me apart. i dont know how i will cope up with this. you told me that we cannot see each other anymore, that you dont wanna ruin your chance again. you said that you tried to love me but you were not able to taught your heart. you said that you care for me and that you wish me happiness and love. when you hold my hand and kissed my lips for the last time i looked at you and said when you need me, you know ill always be there.
Our friendship had never been restored after that time. maybe because we feel awkward towards each other. When we see each other in the hallway of the school, we just look and give small smiles. sometimes i know you pretend that you do not see me.
I received a message from you one night and you said that you missed me. I feel elated. I miss you too. You ask me to create a different chat account so we can talk. the first few days of our chat was just pure of jokes and laughs, getting to know each other again and what we had missed in each others life. Then you ask me to send you a picture. i did. i ask you to do the same. you sent me a pic of your hard dick. you said that it miss me the most.
That started our chat sex. we send pictures of our private parts to each other. Then, one late night you came to my house and said that you want me. i agreed. I agreed again to become your fuck buddy. I know thats all i am to you. and deep in my heart i know that thats all i will ever be. your fuck buddy.
she found out. she broke up with you. you blamed me. you said that it was all my fault that i should not have agreed, that i should have denied you. i was lost. i just love you so much thay i agreed to whatever you want. that i just follow you with blind sight.
I dont know what to do. seeing you hurt, hurts me more. and seeing you cry. it breaks me. i went to her. i told her lies. i told her that i seduced you. i told her that i came to your house and seduced you.
she slapped me and she said that she pity me. That i keep on forcing myself to someone who will never love me.
He called.me. he thanked me. he said that if he can only teach his heart how to love me. he said that he will miss me but he cannot risk it again. he said that it will be the last time that he will talk to me because he love her. always her.
i cried to him and said
"Xavier, i know and it hurts me so much to let you go. I love you and there was never a time i regret what happened between us. i could have been selfish and told alliyah the thruth between us. but when i see you cry, i just cant do it. i dont know why it pains me more to see you cry than myself. maybe because that is how much i love you. goodbye xavier."
"Goodbye Chelly. thank you."
