Shut Up, Hemmings

one |m|

I'm almost 100% sure that the boys knew before we even did ourselves. Whenever Luke and I were anywhere near each other, there would be this strange look in their eyes like, 'haha, we know more about your own life than you do, now kiss you little bitches.'
I didn't know that I was falling for Luke until December of 2011, but when I finally did realise, it hit me damn hard. We were onstage at our first ever gig, December 3rd, at The Annandale Hotel in Sydney, and I looked over at Luke (bad move on my end); he looked so nervous and small but at the same exact time, he looked as if he were filled to the brim with adrenaline, so ready for this moment, because he knew that the stage was where he belonged. When our eyes locked for that short moment of time that night, I knew that his eyes were where I belonged.
Flash back to early 2014- at this point, I'm totally gone. I've fallen completely and utterly in love with this fucking dork and I have absolutely no idea what to do about it; Ashton and Calum obviously already know all about this, maybe more than I did, and the fans seemed to have caught on as well (which I didn't mind as much as I should have, because they literally had a ship name for all of us... And 'Muke' just happened to be one of them.)
Ashton and Calum had told me several times to stop being a little bitch and just go for it, that he totally liked me back, but it was simply impossible. Every time I was within a 5 mile radius of Luke, I shook uncontrollably, I stuttered, I had no clue what to say, my mind went blank... How could I ever possibly ask him out without fucking up?
In 2015, the feelings became so painful that it felt like someone stabbed me in the stomach and slowly twisted the knife around and around every single time I talked to him or just fucking talked to him. Because of me, there was so much romantic tension between us that we became distant. No matter how many times Cal and Ash told me that he liked me back, even if all of the signs were there, I still, with every part of my being, denied it. I could not believe a word anyone was saying. I didn't understand how anyone could like someone like me, let alone a fucking Greek god like Luke.
Everyone, even the fans, noticed my mood gradually dropping throughout the year- that was when my depression began to settle in once again. Soon enough, everything that I thought I had gotten rid of came back to me: I wasn't sleeping, I would barely leave my bunk or the couch (unless there was a concert or an interview or something), I just wasn't myself... All because of some stupid godforsaken nerd that had put me under his trance. I didn't realise it then, but because of me and only me, I was slipping deeper and deeper into that dark hole than I ever had before.
Come August of 2015, Ashton and Calum had decided that they'd had enough. They told me that I had to ask Luke out soon or they would do it for me (which just made me even more upset, in all honesty; I almost had an anxiety attack. I did cry... And beg them not to. They apologized immediately after), and even helped me plan out how to do it. His favourite flowers were daisies, I had to remember that. He doesn't like when people beat around the bush, so get to the point- but don't be too blunt or brash or rude. Tell him how you feel, be completely honest, but don't bombard him with your feelings. Complement him, but don't overwhelm him. All of this made my head spin... I felt like I was going to throw up. Why did love have to be so difficult?
I didn't get to actually asking him out until two whole weeks later.
"Hey, uh, L-Luke? Ca-can I... talk to you?"
He looked up at me blankly for a moment but then nodded. "Yeah, sure, what's up?"
We walked out of earshot of Calum and Ashton, which was more difficult than you'd expect, seeing as we were in a tourbus.
"W-well first of all, um... I just wanted to say th-that you look really nice. Today," I spluttered, coughing awkwardly (Complement him. Don't beat around the bush.) and continuing when he simply blushed and stared. "Uh, a-anyway... This is for you."
I handed him a small daisy and he smiled shyly, fiddling with the petals before tucking it behind his ear. My face burned. "S-so, uh, I guess what I'm trying to- to say... I-is I... I-I... St-stop staring at me, Luke," I mumbled, blushing even deeper when I noticed that his gaze was following my lips as I spoke. His eyes swept over my face, landing back on my mouth; his lips were slightly parted when he leaned in and, before I even realised what was happening, kissed me gently. My heart soared and exploded into a shower of fireworks that could easily outdo any Fourth of July display, the sparks dissolving into thousands of tiny butterflies and floating back into my stomach (in which they proceeded to attack). My eyes fluttered closed and I kissed him back, putting my hands on his jaw as he placed his on the back of my head (I swear I heard a camera go off just then...) When we parted, my mind remained completely blank.
"Uh..." I giggled breathily, grin wider than my face could take. He gave me a dorky, lopsided smile, blushing and scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.
"So..." he said in his trademark shy tone.
"D-does this make us, uh... Are we...?"
"I mean, do- do you wanna be?"
"Well yeah, of course, but-"
"Well then yeah, I guess we are."
A/N bJITcyhxjc DIE