Gone

72.

I walk up to the terrace, where my Aunt, Lisa, and sisters were all talking, "is that really a conversation you all should be having in front of my two four-year-olds? Besides I already have kids, I don't want anymore." I speak up as I put my plate down. "Welcome back momma!" They cheer and I thank them. They run outside and I sit on the island stool, Lisa and Aunt Wendy follow.

"Where have you been?" "In a closet. He refused to let me out, didn't want me to go sleep with someone while in heat." "So does this mean you made up with him?" Lisa asks me, "no, but we did talk." "Heminsworth is quite handsome, I'm surprised you weren't tempted." She teases. "Me? I'm surprised he wasn't tempted even after I offered to sleep with him," They give me a look, "What that's heat talking not me, not that it mattered he played the whole 'I'm a gentleman card,' Hence the three-day absence." "You really didn't want him in particular?" "Maybe I lost that connection when I lost my wolf."

"Alpha you have guests." "General-sorry Commander, Granger, Leo why are you here? Shouldn't you both be in Tuscany?" "Yes, but there's something left undone on your part and I came here personally to help you sort through them." He says and he shows me the large black envelope. "So why are you two here?" "You know how this works Stone, we have to read this to you." "Yeah I know how it works, but it's not necessary besides its been ten months since then it's-" "I know but because you didn't turn this in when you were still Commander, so you have to go through the routine now that you're a wife." My mood dies.

"But I'm not a wife." They look at me. "Mrs. Amoura Stone in regards to-" "stop. Just stop. I know the routine, there's nothing on those papers I haven't read a thousand times. I read them every day when I got back, hoping that maybe, just maybe they weren't for me, but I get it he's dead. He's not coming back. I just couldn't sign the damn papers. It just is- apparently, the damn jar with his ashes wasn't real enough. I couldn't do it. Just please don't read me what I've read a hundred times to myself. Give me the damn papers and I'll sign them." I say as I outstretch my hand and he hands them to me. "I need a pen," I mutter and I head for my study.

I flip through the pages until I reach the one I need to sign. "Stone." "I'm fine." "No you're not," She trails off, as I stare at the wet papers. "It wasn't supposed to be this way. It-" I couldn't keep the tears from stopping so I shove away the papers and I kneel down, and rest my head against the desk. "Amoura." "Just take the papers and go," I say as I turn around and sit down with my back against the desk, she doesn't move. "We planned our future so differently, he was supposed to come home with me. It was supposed to be so different." I cry onto my arms that lay on my knees. "What can I say, what can I do, Amoura-" "there's nothing you can do, it's all my fault. I failed them all, they're all gone because of me and theirs nothing I can do. Please go." I plead "Amoura are you grieving?"

"No I'm in permanent denial." "Stone!" "I'm too busy to keep crying over my losses." "Stone-" "if that's all, I'll be excusing myself," I say and I get up and I walk outside and sit by the pool smoking. "You're not the type to procrastinate," Granger says as he sits next to me. "Sorry for not wanting to accept that everyone I love is dead." "Stone-" "I'm not trying to be dramatic. Both my parents were killed the night I returned. What a hell of a homecoming." I say as I rest my arms on my knees. "Stone I'm sorry if anything you're the one who deserves the best." I say "I deserve? After everything, I've done?! I deserve this, I do, but my siblings didn't deserve this. They don't deserve having to grow up without parents. My daughters' don't deserve to be short one parent. There are too many things I do and don't deserve, but this pain? I deserve this pain." I say to him.

"Stone is that why you left his ashes, both your tags and wedding bands behind?" "Yeah, I couldn't keep doing it. I couldn't keep reliving it, I had to let go. My daughters are all that mattered when I came back. Then I got home and things went from bad to worse. I watched my father as he died and all he could say was that he was happy I was home." I say as I light up another cigarette. "Stone you're going to fall apart if you don't grieve, you have to stop and take care of yourself." "There's nothing I can do, I'm trapped here... I can't leave, I can't run, I can't turn around, I can't pause, I can't break down, I can't-do anything because they're all looking up to me and this is what they loved and it's up to me to protect it because I failed to save them. So screw grieving because that will get in the way of what I need to do and I can't have that." I say to him as I stare at the cigarette. "If you don't heal, you'll fall apart and you won't be doing your job."

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but we need to talk." I turn to look at Sara, I nod and I get up. "It was good to see you, Granger, tell the other Commanders, I'm doing fine and I took care of the loose strings. Please stay the night, it's too late for you booth to be driving back." I say and he nods and I walk back inside with Sara.