I'm Tired

I'm Tired

I'm tired because of the early morning wake ups I'm forced to do every day.
I'm tired because of the endless traffic I face when going to school.

I'm tired because of the researches and lessons I need to do and study everyday.
I'm tired because of the many plates I need to wash whenever we eat everyday.

I'm tired because of the mountain of clothes, that was washed the night before, that I need to tidy up.
I'm tired because I'm always the errand girl in the house.

But in truth, I'm tired not because of any of those things.

I'm actually tired because I wake up every morning not looking forward to a brand new day.
I'm tired because of the silence that I had to endure when my dad drives me to school.

I'm tired because no matter how hard I try in school I always tend to fail.
I'm tired because no matter how many plates, spoons, and forks I wash, I'm always the laziest in the family.

I'm tired because even if I tidy up the washed clothes I'm still useless.
I'm tired because even if my mom, dad and siblings ask me to do a lot of things they will never appreciate it for they only see my mistakes.

I'm tired of feeling nothing.
I'm tired of feeling empty.
I'm tired of being useless, lazy and the stupid one who always fail.
I'm tired of never giving up even if I fail a thousand times.

I'm tired of smiling to my friends when I really wanted to cry for help.
I'm tired of smiling to myself while I cry and whisper the words to myself, "Okay ka lang. Don't worry. Okay ka lang talaga.", when I really wanted to shout my pain.

I'm tired of thinking of who I was before and who is it that I'm looking in the mirror.
I'm tired of changing so people will accept me, even if I don't want to.
I'm tired of feeling tired. But really, I'm tired.

And just like I always do when I'm tired, I'll pray to God for guidance and then sleep it off.
Sleep, hoping that for a few hours I won't be tired anymore and I will be able to face another day of being tired.
Sleep, so I can dream for a future that I can look forward to, where I'm no longer empty and tired but genuinely and endlessly happy.

But for now, just like always, I'm tired again so let me sleep and dream in peace.