Final Farewell

5

When I was 5, my family was still intact though they were on the rocks but they still managed to keep our shit together.

However, their fights were getting worse as the years go by. Kuya Exian was 12 by then. At a young age, I knew that the world was cruel.

My dad got home drunk and brought a lot of sluts to our house. My mom was always out, partying and bar hopping. Though we are loaded with cash.

I never felt loved.

Si Kuya lang talaga ang natira sa akin. Kahit nung umuwi si Daddy na sobrang lasing tuwing madaling araw, si Kuya lang ang naglakas loob para protektahan ako. He took all the pain away from me.

Ilang beses ko nang nakita na sinaktan ni Daddy si Kuya. And I was just 5 for crying out loud! I couldn't do anything but weep in the corner.

All those punches were supposed to be for me. But Kuya, took the hit.

Natandaan ko na isang araw ay sobrang putla na ni Kuya. At umuwi si Daddy na lasing na lasing. May flu pa si Kuya nun at sobrang mahina na siya.

Dad somehow got pissed all of a sudden then he started yelling harsh words at me.

"You're a disgrace! A mistake! You unwanted child! Bakit ka pa kasi nabuhay?! Pabigat ka lang sa pamilyang ito! Nang dahil sa iyo watak watak na ang lahat! Putangina mong bata ka! Sana hindi ka na nabuhay!"

I could never forget those things my father said to me. Kahit ilang taon na ang lumipas ay hinding-hindi ko iyon makakalimutan.

Then he hit me square in the jaw that I fainted and woke up in the hospital after 3 days.

Si Kuya ang nagdala sa akin kahit hinang-hina na siya. He was terrified. Akala niya mamamatay na ako. I was out for 3 days and my father never visited nor he cared. He just left us.

Galit na galit si Kuya. He blamed himself for not being there. He held my fragile hand and stared at my frail state.

5 years old and I was hit by my own father.

That's just one of the many memories I have of my childhood.

And they were never close to great.

I never enjoyed those years, I spent it in darkness and fear hoping that the incident would never happen again.