Eleanor and Park : Final Words

The Epilogue

Eleanor

I threw his letters in the recycling bin.

I want to see him.

I want to be with him

He's half of my heart

and I threw him away along with those letters.

I'm not okay anymore.

But I'm sure he is.

Park

I kept her jacket.

I haven't touched it since she's been gone.

I write to her.

She doesn't reply.

I'm screaming her name

But I'm trapped in a soundproof room.

I'm not okay anymore.

But I'm sure she is.

Eleanor

"Happy birthday."

My cousin, Amanda, stroked my hair out of my face and smiled at me.

"Ellie! You're 18!" I smiled and pushed Amanda out of my way.

"Get out of my room," I said though I was smiling ear to ear.

I rolled out bed and stood up, my legs weak having not used them for hours. I stretched them out and put on my soft, red robe to cover up my tiny shorts and flimsy shirt. My messy red hair tickled my forehead and I slowly crossed the room to my dresser. I took my brush and quickly brushed through my curls, turning my hair big and fluffy.

I walked out of my room, and down the carpeted single-stair in my uncle's small, beautiful house.

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Eleanor! Happy birthday to you!" I smiled ear-to-ear as I listened to my cousins and aunt and uncle sing to me.

There are seven of us. Aunt Esther, Uncle Geoff, the 14-year-old twin girls Jamie and Isabel, 17-year-old Amanda, 10-year-old Jack, and me. Isabel and Jack wrap me in a hug, while Esther is in the kitchen making scrambled eggs blueberry pancakes. My favorite.

Jamie is on the couch with her headphones connected to her iPad. I can see on the screen that she is listening to "How Soon is Now?" by The Smiths.

Park.

Ever since I came here, Park has written to me. Those letters are in the recycling bin. I can't read about him without wanting him. I want to see him again. I want to be with him.

He probably moved on. He probably is dating Tina, telling her all the things he told me.

Park

I kept your jacket.

And I haven't touched it since you went away.

Today is your birthday.

I write to you all the time. You don't write back. I'm screaming your name but I'm trapped in a soundproof room.

I sit alone on the bus. I sit in the same seat and I don't let anyone sit in the seat next to me. It's your seat.

After my mom did your makeup, I took the eyeliner she used on you. The auburn colored pencil liner that touched you close as I used to touch you.

I miss your skin. Your beautiful skin. You hated your skin, but I couldn't hate the heart under your skin. Your beautiful soul which was drowned in demons and darkness. You dressed in mismatched patterns and ties to cover up your skin and I loved every layer of you. I want to hold you and kiss you and tell you that I love you and I miss you, I love you more than I have ever loved anyone or anything. Since you left, I haven't been able to think of anything without thinking of you.

A month after you left, I was finally healing. Until I had a dream. I had a dream that I was was talking to you and you were looking at me with a blank expression. It was the first time I was seeing you in a month. I ran at you embraced you in a hug. You said nothing. I kissed you. You didn't kiss me back. "Eleanor," I said, "I love you and I've missed you and I love you." I kissed you again. You looked at me and your eyes became cold.

"Park." You said, "I don't need you anymore." and you turned around and walked away. I watched you leave and I didn't run after you.

I haven't had that dream again. But now I have a new dream.

Every night I have the same dream. I'm watching Richie hit you. And you're crying and bleeding and screaming for me to help you. And I stand by and I watch it happen.

People say dreams don't mean anything. But it doesn't mean they don't leave a mark on your mind. It doesn't mean they don't remind you of the girl you love. The girl who left.

And you are more than just the girl who left.

You're the girl who can heal me.

You're the girl who can fix everything.

Fix me Eleanor.

Eleanor

Fix me Eleanor.

I took out my pen and started writing.

Park

Her letter was three words long.