"I have issues" I thought to myself, Nothing good will happen to me. I alway's think in the negative way. I wish life was just simpler, less stress and without all the drama. Oh i'm sorry! I never introduced myself....aha I'm sorry! I'm Soul and i am 14 year's old. My life has been a total screw up since I was 9. you see my mother died so now I live with my dad. It's very difficult just the 2 of us and 2 dog's! Oh my gosh I have alot of word's but I feel like yu won't care.
Well anyway, I should probably tell you some more about myelf. I have alot of issues I am afraid to tell people about. Ever since that day my mom died I feel like a part of me died along with her. I do cut but i realize I need to stop.. but with all the stress it's just so difficult. I feel like I have "fallen in love" and trust me it's no fun. I have no chance with him. I remeber talking to him for the first time at a party and I guess he took a part of my heart with him. I hope he didn't throw it away I want it back. I fear hr did throw it away though and I don't want to know the answer at all. I wish i had the courage but i just don't. i want to be little again. no drama,stress, dsting problems. Oh my gosh that sound's amazing. I miss all the easy test's and nap time! What i would give to have nap time back. I just feel like thw whole world is doing this to piss me off.
I have a freaking Science teacher that hates me. she love's to hurt my feeling's, make me feel bad about myself, make me look like an idiot in class.. she made me cry 2 time's already in 4 month's of school. I feel like school is punishing me for being me. Anyway so this guy I like his name is Derek and he is just so nice! One day i wen't to school and showed him my scar's and he gave me a hug. I dream that one day we will be together and i hope but I don't believe we will ever be together. It's just a hopeless fantasy. H e listen's to the same music as me and he has talked me out of harming myself. I feel like he has just heped me from drowning but, now I feel like I am falling into acid. I just hate the fact that this is all happening. Derek is just umf word's can't describe him. He is such a nice guy and considering I don't pick people by look's his personality is just amazing. and his look's are just a bounus, but Oh my he seriousally stole my heart. I feel like he is playing with it but, i don't want to believe that. Being in Love suck's and that is a fact. You are so lucky if you can find the right guy who want's to be with you as much as you want to be with them.
many night's i have dreamt about him. The though of "us" just make's my night but, when i wake up I realize it was only a dream then my day is put in a bad mood. I don't even think I would have a chance even if i tried *sigh* it's just a hopeless dream that will never come true. i have cried myself to sleep for way too many night's. I listen to a lot of music but, mostly Black veil brides, My Chemical Romance, Pierce The Veil, Ghost town, Asking Alexandria, and way more. I go through depression alot.. I need help but, I don't want to ask. No one but my friend's and Derek know I cut... I don't trust people very much to be honest. I feel hated by society. I don't even have those thing's you call "social media" site's.
I have fallen hard "In Love" and no one want's to go there, anyway I just want to end these teenage year's. I get called so many names i can't name half of them. I want to run away. I want god to show me he is real.... I feel like he isnt for some reason. I have thought about suicide but I second thought that. I am flunking 3 classes on accident, not purpose but my dad doesn't care. he think's I am trying to get kicked out of this school. I cry at the thought that he doesn't love his daughter. he yell's and cusses at me atleast once a day. I just want to hide under my bed. I feel like nobody gives a damn about me. i just want to hide, or run. i don't want to face my fears at all.
I like the idea of running fro my fear's. I am going to enjoy what i have left. Derek is too perfect. he is what complete's me..even though he doesn't know it yet. I feel hurt but happy.. I feel like he is the only one.. I am going to go now.. bye! *walks away and goes to dream about the boy I will never get*
