My Life with Frosting

My name is Cupcake Dormanci. My life sucks. When I was first born, my parents were drunk when they named me. Speaking of my parents, they are REALLY weird. Eric, my dad, owns a chain of underwear stores and for some reason, almost everyone I know of wears his products. Erica, my mom, is a cosmetologist. They only even started dating each other because they had such similar names - they didn't know each other at all. If you met either of them, you'd realize how crazy they really are. I can't really describe it in writing. They're one of the reasons I have like, one friend.

Anyways, I live in the middle of the most redneck town in Oklahoma, called Tuckersville. As you might have guessed, I'm in high school (emphasis on high, 'cause everyone there is) and it sucks so much that it's actually kind of funny. My only friend is named Denny, and I have absolutely no idea how we're friends in the first place. He's one of those adorable nerds who every girl has a crush on but no one has asked, him out that I know of. I'm one of those people who's like smile-at-me-and-I-will-cut-you.

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Well, I was walking to my locker on the first day of 'high' school when this complete idiot tripped and fell on me! We went tumbling to the floor, face to face, I might add, and the only thing this jerk can think to say is, "Hey, your name is Muffin, right?"

I glared at him and spat out the words, "No, retard, my name is Cupcake. Can you get off of me now? People are staring and I'm not happy, now that you've obviously tried to recruit me for the football team."

He looked at me, dumbfounded like the idiot he is, and stammered out, "S-sorry, Cupcake. I-I've gone to this school my entire life and can't believe I missed seeing the hottest girl in the school."

His innocent-but-not-really-cuteness didn't affect me like it would the other hormonal girls in my high school but he seemed to think they would.

What a moron.

Seeing as how this freak was probably not going to get off of me until 3rd period, I did the only sensible thing: I kneed him rather hard in his stomach and rolled his bulk off me. I got up and was walking away while Mr.-I'll-hit-on-anyone-I-trip-on laid on the floor wheezing. My locker was only a few steps away but the Big Lump on the Floor was blocking it, an he didn't seem like he was going anywhere for the next few minutes. Lucky for me, Denny came walking around the lockers with a smug smile on his face.

"So, freakazoid, what has you all smiley on this lovely morning?", I asked Denny sarcastically.

"Well, for one thing, it's kinda funny to hear one-sided love proclamations to you, of all people", Denny replied in a snarky voice.

(If you didn't want a slight narration, then why'd you pick to hear about my life?)

I rolled my eyes at him and halfheartedly kicked the Lump. He groaned a little but continued to act like a beached whale. Not that he was chubby or fat, he just had A LOT of limbs (he was like 6"4). He was actually a little skinny, but he had a little but of muscle.

Wow, I really feel like I'm talking to myself.

Oh, and while all this is going on, about half of my high school is watching me, Denny, and the Lump. I think that's what I'll call him from now on.

"Are all of you just going to stand there and watch my everyday life or will someone move this person out from in front of my locker?"

No one moves but half of the girls close to me start giggling for no apparent reason. They must get no attention at home. Then, as if parting the seas, eight cheerleaders stalk through the crowd wearing six inch pumps and shorts shorter than my dads' underwear products (and that's saying something) just to give me a sickening smile. I don't know what they expected me to do, but it probably wasn't what I did next.

"Oh my gosh! ", I started in the most annoying, fake, valley girl accent, "What shade of spray tan did you get? Orange chicken or sunburnt giraffe?"

I was answered with complete silence and dropped jaws. Amused, I pulled out my phone and popped in my headphones. Turning around, I saw that the Lump had sat up and was once again looking at me with a more confused look than a cat with a banana.

"Well, are you going to move or not, Lump?" I demanded loudly. "You people can go back to whatever you were doing with your boring lives", I told the gaggle of people over my shoulder. I heard a slight shuffling of feet and a few whispers but it didn't sound like everyone had left. The Lump whimpered something that I didn't catch.

"What was that, Lump?", I asked impatiently.

"My name isn't 'Lump'", the Lump said weakly.

"Well seeing as how I don't know (and nor do I care) what you name is, along with the fact that you laid on the floor like a lump, what else am I supposed to call you?", I asked in a half amused/half exasperated voice. Seriously, who let this idiot go to high school?

"Peter", the Lump said.

"Who the heck is Peter?"

"Me", Peter spoke blankly.

I swear, is it possible for someone to be this dumb?

"Ok, Peter Pan, will you get out from in front of my locker?"

Peter Pan moved hurriedly from in front of my locker but still waited next to it. I went forwards and opened my locker. The guy whose mind never grew up still awkwardly stood next to my locker and gaped at me.

"Sorry, Peter, but Neverland is that way", I said while pointing to my left.

"Sorry,when I saw you I thought this was the fairy-land. You must be the fairy of adorableness". Peter must really like hitting on people. This was the worst pick up line I have heard so far.

I sighed, put my books on top of my locker, and turned and grabbed the pressure point in between Peter's thumb and pointer finger. His face scrunched up in pain while I forced him to his knees.

"Alright, Peter, I have three rules: Don't talk to me. Don't hit on me. And don't acknowledge that I exist. I was living a somewhat enjoyable life until you ran down the hallway and pinned me to the floor. Do I make myself perfectly clear?!" ,I screeched.

Peter turned white and started running down the hall. Then, I turned around and saw this huge zombie-mouse-vampire-clown-thing runni -

ha no. I turned around and saw my principal slowly clapping and advancing toward me.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" , Mr. Shammy asked with a smile so disgusting that it would've killed Dracula.

I "bowed" deeply in a kind of squat and said, "your highness, won't you save me from these dastardly villains? I was merely walking to my place of storage when this scoundrel attacked me! I do believe I am feeling quite fai-" And I fake faint, with a hand on my forehead, into Denny's awaiting arms.

"Enough with the theatrics, Miss Dormanci, but I have heard take that you publicly harassed Peter Landlo and our cheerleading squad. Would you like to explain yourself?"

"Nope", I stated and walked away.

"I will call your parents, girl!", Shammy the Lamby splutter yelled.

"Ok. 614-322-7876 is my mom. I'll bet you $10 that if you call my dad, he won't give a crap." Dang his face was red. He looked like a fat, demented bunny rabbit.

He seemed to be (like everyone else) at a loss for words.

Cupcake: 5

Everyone Except Denny: -5

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A/N: okkkkkkk I don't know if anyone will like this, but if you want me to write more, leave a comment. I have no idea if I used an actual live number because I just picked random

numbers.......so, yeah :)