What I Never Told You

Natalie remained still on her knees as twinkling stars hovered over her. Despite the Autumn chill, she felt her palms grow sweaty around the bouquet of roses that she grasped tightly with a trembling fist. She closed her eyes and filled her lungs with the brisk night air, hoping that it would ease her anxiety. It didn't. The air was slowly allowed to escape from her mouth.

"I brought these," she said, her voice piercing through the thick veil of silence. "I know that they're your favorite."

She took one hand off of the bouquet, allowing only one to remain holding it. Tilting it to the side, she laid the flowers carefully in front of her as she believed she was supposed to.

"I was hoping that the flowers would some how make up for what I'm about to tell you."

It was difficult for her to figure out why she was so nervous. Still, all she wanted was to fade into the night. This wasn't at all how she'd imagined the scenario. Closing her eyes, she pictured her mother's face, a far more comforting sight than the headstone in front of her kneeling figure. Hands shaking, she slid back into a criss-cross sitting position. She began to nervously tap her fingertips onto her knee.

"I wanted to tell you earlier, but look where we are now. I guess that's it better than you having a stroke from me telling you that-"

Fighting back tears, she swallowed her words into the back of her throat. The last thing that she wanted to do was cry or make this too emotional. She wiped her eyes and forced an awkward smile.

Shrugging her shoulders, she said, "I'm gay."

She began shaking her head.

"Maybe I'm crazy or obsessive, but I've been going over these fake scenarios where you tell me that I'm still your daughter and you still love me just like before."

She couldn't help herself that time. The tears were too determined to escape. Sniffling, she looked up.

"I like to believe that you're smiling at me from up there. I like to believe that you're proud of me for having the courage to tell you. But I guess that I'll have to keep imagining. I guess that I'll never really know."