Unrequainted Loves

Seamus Finnagan/ Dean Thomas

It's  true then, the saying that the good looking girl always gets the guy. Next to Weasley I never stood a chance. Female, cute, female, good at spellwork, and did I mention female? And what could I offer? What do I bring to the table? My dirt like hair instead of her soft Weasley red, my washed out green eyes instead of her expressive blue, my hard boney body instead of her delacate curves, my clumbsy ways, sharp toungue, and inability to cast a spell without blowing something up instead of her effertless grace, communicative silence, and ability to be good at seemigly everything. Add that to the fact I have an appendage between my legs and it's no wonder why you can't see me.

Every single day since second year I have watched as you eyed and flirted with her. Though I laugh do you really think it doesn't hurt when you ditch me to hang out with her, when I haven't talked to you for up to a month so far because your to busy with Ginny, when I see hundreds of pictures of her yet there isn't a single sketch of me in your entire collection? How about when I see you kissing her in plain sight for everyone to see or you finally talk to me only for it to be soley about Ginny? I wish I had been brave enough to tell you but I can't even build up the nerve to admit to being bent let alone in love with you. It hurts but your happiness means more to me then anything in the world.

YOU mean more to me then anything in the world.

And our friendship, however strained it is, is too precious for me to endanger that way. Too precious are the scraps left over for me to simply gamble them away in a game I know I will lose. So when you come to me estatic because the two of you are dating I force a smile and congradulate you. When you come to me crying because once again she has broken up with you I pretend to feel sorry for you while inside I'm jumping for joy thinking that maybe, just maybe, this time the cycle won't repeat. That maybe...

.... You will finally see ME.

The way I look at you like there is no one else in the world. Remember when Lavender once commented about it in first year? She said we were a little to close for our friendship to be healthy? She has threatened me every year since our third that she will tell you but she never does, I guess seeing me being so pathetic when she does disgusts her enough to change her mind. Though sometimes I have to wonder if she is more of a friend to me then you are.

The way I cry myself to sleep at night once everyone is already dreaming. Remember that night a week after you first told me the two of you were an item? You came back late from a detenchine with Snape and found me sobbing in the dorm's bathroom when you went in to take a shower so you could sleep in the next day if Ron's snores didn't wake you up. I told you my Mum lost the baby she was pregnate with at the time. It was a lie. Yes, I had recieved a letter at dinner stating that she had but that wasn't what had brought me to tears that entire week nor most nights after that... 

.... It wasn't what pushed me to start my "habit".

The way I watch your every move and my eyes glow with envy at the sight of her with you. Remember when I told you she was in love with Harry and you told me that I'm just jelous that she is dating you? Your right... 

... Just not in the way you think you are.

Maybe one day though I'll get up the courage to tell you, just not today. I'm a really bad Gryffindor, no clue why the sorting hat decided to put me here amongst the brave scarlet lions...

..... When I don't even have the courage to come out of the closet to me best mate....