Chasing Elliot Grace

No. 30: I hate that I love you

Elliot's POV
Love is infinite. Depending on the person, you could love them forever, example your parents, best friend, or boyfriend. Even if he's your ex. And I hate that. "What the hell are you doing in my house Benjamin?"I yelled angered because he was the only one of the three boys that could get in my house. How? Because I was stupid enough to give him a key, along with the key to my heart. "We need to talk." He said calmly, the direct opposite of my emotions. "There is no 'we' anymore, what you need to do is get out of my house." Hayes didn't move from his spot and the boys on the couch were now paying attention to us, with the TV paused. "No, we, because you and I both know there will always be a we, are going to talk this out." At this point his voice was raised. I knew how to upset him, and I was doing it, he deserves it for what he did. I wanted to hurt him, I wanted to see his heart shatter the way mine did. Because here's the thing, I may have left, but I was never a cheater, I never even looked at other guys. He was all I needed, my everything. But he took that away. "I don't want to talk to you!" I yelled back I was upset. Lauren was always the wise one of the group, and when she touched my arm, I calmed down a little bit. "Ellie, just give him a chance to talk." I sighed looking to the other two roommates. Andrea nodded and I turned to Jenn but she held a grimace of anger, but finally sighed and nodded too. Looking back at the blue eyed boy I crossed my arms over my chest, "You have 5 minutes." I said before walking upstairs and into my room. He followed shutting the door behind him and then looked at me, he stared for a while without talking. "You have 4 minutes," I said impatiently looking at the clock on my phone and tapping my foot. "Gracie, im so so, sorry. I don't know what was going through my head, I haven't been me. I just, I don't know, I got confused with my emotions. I never wanted to hurt you." He was crying, I kept my walls up, not willing myself to cry, just let the anger wash over. "But that's exactly what you did! You did it without a second thought. I guess it was bound to happen, the broken girl is to much baggage for everyone else. It seems that when she trusts you enough you throw her out like the trash!" I retaliated, Hayes was violently shaking his head. "That's not true." He whispered walking closer to me. "But it is, and I can't do this anymore it's not fair. I can't keep getting hurt, im tired Hayes, im tired of my heart constantly hurting and breaking." How I had not cried yet was a mystery, but I guess this wall id put up over the past few days was powerful. "I don't want to hurt you. Elliot I love you! I'm an asshole okay? I get that, but please, give me another chance, I need you!" His hand was on my arm and he was squatting to be eye level with me. "Like you needed me when you were with Amanda? Or when you screamed at me for doing nothing? Because it sure doesnt sound like it to me! You used me, you wanted someone you could show off to your friends, someone that could be your mask or cover story. You may have loved me at the beginning but you got famous and thought that if you could get some arm candy it would look good. Silly of me to fall into the trap." I looked him in the eyes as I said this and saw the flash of pain as I said this, a part of me knew it wasn't true, the rational part of my brain, but right now all that was talking was my anger and hurt. "Grace we both know that isn't true, you want to hurt me like I hurt you. I get that, it's your defence  when you put your walls up, you think that by putting your walls up it will block everything out. People, feelings, me, everything. But we both know that the wall will crumble under enough pressure." Sometimes I hate that he knows me so well, because in that moment I wanted to jump into his arms and cry. He figured I had forgiven him, and I had, but I couldn't do it, I wouldn't allow myself to give in just yet. "You sure? Because it's been a while since we were 16 years old Hayes, im young but not a child,your words can't just change everything. I don't follow the leader, you think that just because you come here and apologize and tell me you love me I'll run straight back into your arms. Hayes you should think again, it's going to take a whole lot more than that." Tears were still coming down his face as he spoke, "Tell me what I need to do! I'll do anything, I can't lose you. Not again, I know both times have been my fault but I promise you that I will treat you better. You deserve the world Grace and so much more, and I know I messed up but, Im in love with you!" I was not going to kiss him, I told myself. Who was I kidding with this act, not him and not me but we both know what was going to happen. I would need to regroup for a few hours and then id run back to him like nothing happened. But I was stubborn and he knew that, so he probably expected my last jab at hurting him. "Stay away. I don't want to see you, because you know what I've learned? I hate you. But I also love you. That's it I hate that I love you. You are the one thing that can rip my heart out and then sew the pieces back together without me turning against you. Just please, until I call you stay away." Finished he was going to say something. "Baby please, don't make me stay away, I get it you're punishing me but anything but that." My phone ringing intruded on his next sentence. With the name that popped up on my screen when I brought it up to my ear nervousness was sent throughout my body. "H-Hello?" I asked standing up with my hands shaking. "Elliot you need t-to get here as soon as you c-can. Something h-happened." The receiver sniffled, as I ran downstairs and out the door leaving everyone behind in my path. God please don't let anything happen.
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1165 words
Hey guys... So a bit of a cliffhanger there, any guesses as to who was on the phone? Let me know in the comments. We are fastly getting to the ending of this book with only about 5 chapters left, but don't be alarmed there will be a third book. Alright see ya later everyone!
-Taylor💋