Tommy’s POV
I woke up with an excruciating headache. I can kind of remember what happened… I went to a bar, drove some chick home, and fucked her silly. I looked over where I thought I would find Maddie. Or Hannah? Could’ve been an Amber… I don’t really remember. All I found was a note that said she took a taxi home. Eh, whatever. She had blonde hair and I don’t remember the color of her eyes. I do remember she had a banging ass and nice tits, but that’s pretty much it. I had like 10 shots of whiskey so I’m surprised I didn’t kill us on our way to my hotel room. Hell, like I even care if I get killed at this point. Without Adam my life isn’t worth living. I feel like I’m in a gay version of Romeo and Juliet or something. It’s really a fucking tragedy. I don’t have much more time in this hotel though since I’m running out of money and have nowhere to stay. I’m really not going to mooch off of Ashley anymore and Monte and Isaac are out of the picture since they have band practices there. If I saw Adam I think I might self-implode.
I lay back down on my bed and went back to sleep for a half-hour and when I woke up I was still tired. Ever since I quit eating I’ve been really dead. I mean, obviously I eat SOME because I’d be dead by now. Only like an orange or an apple per day. A little faggot like me doesn’t deserve food. I stood up and looked in the mirror. My eyeliner from last night was smeared down my face and my shirt hung loosely over my diminishing frame. I used to be a size medium but now I probably should be wearing and extra small. Not that I have any money to buy new clothes that fit. I wiped my makeup off, took a shower, and watched TV until the manager come and kicked me out since I wouldn’t open the door for the maids that would have asked me to leave. So I grabbed my stuff and started walking around outside. It’s about 2:00 and pretty warm. I just hope it doesn’t get cold tonight. I’ll probably have to sleep on a park bench or something. At this point I don’t have any dignity so it doesn’t really matter.
I put the strap of my bag over my shoulder and started walking. I just walked, and walked, and walked… for how long I don’t know…but I knew it had been quite a while since the sun started to set. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going, but somehow I ended up at my house. The one I was raped in. The one that me and Adam lived in. I had so much stuff in there though. I had to go back in someday. I looked up at the door and my heart shattered. Adam and I… we… we made love in that house… we had so much fun in that house. I let a few tears roll down my face as I walked up to the door. I reached inside my bag and grabbed my key ring. It held my car keys and my house keys. I grabbed the smaller of the two and ran my hands over the bumpy edges, I looked up and slowly put the key inside the hole. I couldn’t bring myself to turn it. I felt like if I turned it, all the memories, good and bad, would come flooding out and destroy me. I would be unlocking the death of me. I sat on the porch, with the key in the lock, and cried. I cried, and cried, and cried. This was the first time I’d cried in ages. Instead of crying I’d cause myself other pain, by cutting and starving myself, so I didn’t have to face what was really going on. Yet here I am. I still have to deal with this, despite my best efforts. No matter how many times I slit my wrists, it will never take away the hidden, ever whispering pain of Adam not being here with me. I laid my head back onto the door I not dare open and closed my eyes. I felt it getting cooler as I was sitting there. It felt good at first, but then became almost bitter. I hadn’t had anything to eat today so naturally I was tired even after waking up so late. I tried to ignore the cold and let my drowsiness take over.
I was running, sprinting, I couldn’t run any faster and I felt my legs collapse out from under me. I balled myself up and closed my eyes. I couldn’t go through this again. I was lying in the middle of the road, but they all just drove around me. I kept screaming for help but they either rolled their eyes or laughed, like it was a game. I was wailing and I felt sweat running down my trembling, feverish, body. I yelled, hoping someone would hear me, but the few that did just muttered “faggot” or “pussy” as they walked past. I kicked and punched him, getting him good a few times, but he just held me down and kept whispering things in my ear. He wouldn’t quit touching me no matter how much I begged, screamed, kicked, or spat. He unbuckled my jeans and I yelled as loud as I could and cried for help.
I woke up in a cold sweat, tried to breathe, letting my eyes adjust to the darkness of the night. I felt pressure on my thighs and instantly freaked. Then I heard a familiar voice whisper in my ear “You’re alright baby, you’ll be alright, shh, shh… calm down… only me…” I let myself cuddle into his warm body, the recognizable smell lingering over my senses, lulling me back to sleep. I didn’t have to open my eyes, I knew Adam from a mile away. I let him take me inside and lay me on the couch. I didn’t open my eyes, but I knew he was there, watching me sleep, making sure I was alright. I felt myself starting to fade into the darkness. I didn’t fight it.
