Numb

Broken

Mom, she knew one day that I would get in the car to never come back. She was dreading the day I stop taking the crippling abuse I was put through and leave. Wasting away my hopes and dreams while slaving away my life and sanity. I couldn't take it any more, that man demon ruined my life. Ruined my future by the smart remarks his dirty mind couldn't hold back. I don't feel safe there anymore. He has a temper, and he loves to use it. He drinks a lot, to much to be a alcoholic, he is a whole new level of alcoholic. I can't count how many times my mom and me had to go get his messed up butt at some run down pub in town. He argued all the way home every time we took him home. 'It's my car I drive!' God I wish I got out of that house faster. Stupid old man yells at me calling a hoodlum, emo idiot. I heard all the negative so much I started believing what he was saying.
I sit at the airport waiting for another ten minutes before I head to London. It's been years sense I left. I'm living a dream now. That's what the press thinks. I have this perfect life, with the perfect band, with the perfect career. I don't, I never will, I always have the reminder that I will never be good enough for mainstream. That I will alway struggle with life because of him. Because he had to point out every thing wrong about me to make himself feel better. I seen that man last week. Just a little after I got the phone call that my mom was put in a nursing home because she 'fell' down the steps. She was in a wheel chair and almost never went upstairs. He must of pushed her. I don't trust him. I seen him in a restaurant. I seen him walk in, and I had to leave. I can't stay in the same room as that rapist. I get up and leave. Walking out of the whole food establishment. I get to the car. Breathing heavy on the brink of a panic attack. I catch my breath as my boyfriend came out "joy what's wrong?" I hear him say. I don't respond I just focus on breathing "Everlasting Joy what is wrong with you tell me." I shake my head, " don't worry babe it's nothing. it's to complicated to explain anyways." He looks at me " I have all day for you to confuse me. By all means Joy confuse me." He holds his hands out and flashes that dimply smile I've always loved. " that man sitting across from us. He is the man I have been dreading to see since i was sixteen. I left for a reason Shep, he was the reason I left." I start to breath harder. "Shepherd I want to leave now babe. Please go get the band I'll sit in here." He nods walking back into the restaurant. I sit in the van leaning back in the seat. I focus on the present and on my breathing. My band piles into the van. Alex my drummer starts the car and we drive off.
Now I sit in the airport twiddling my thumbs out of nervousness. After our flight gets called. I have 12 hours before I'm due on the stage to open up for my favorite artist. That makes me even more nervous. Opening up for my idol. Singing to over 19,000 people in the 02 arena.