I'm Just A Fan (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 18

Louis' POV

The pain. It hurts. Not physical pain. Emotional pain. Internal pain. Eating my insides. It takes so much control not to pick up the object which scars my skin. I've gone so long without it. But your problems never truly go away. They always end up coming back and here I am. Once again staring at what seems like my only friend. A razor. All I want to do is pick it up and slice my skin over and over again. Everything about me is wrong. My sexuality is a sin. And I have to hide my love for the only person I truly care about. Harry. Standing next to him makes me feel useless. Worthless. Pathetic. He is so beautiful, so handsome. Then there's me. Stupid pathetic me. All I do is make videos on YouTube. No one truly cares about me. Maybe it's not worth keeping my wrists clean. All I have to do is reach and grab the razor. That's all it takes. That's all I have to do. And that's what I'm going to do. I grab the razor and slice my skin. Watching it split apart and rip. Blood oozing out of the cut. The burning feeling gives me release. The tension building up inside me washes away. I can't think why I stopped doing this. I remember how addicting it was. Like my own person drug. My own brand of cocain. No point in recovering. I haven't seen Harry in a week. I text but that's about it. Not hearing his voice stings. It hurts that I can't cuddle with him. I wipe up the blood on my wrist and pull my sleeves down. No one needs to see my pain. My phone buzzes and I take it out of my pocket.

From Hazza <3

Sorry.

I look at the text confused. Why is he sorry? The sound of the tv pulls me back to reality.

"-Harry Styles is seen to be dating the famous Taylor Swift. Which seems to upset many fan girls. Not because they love Harry, but because they love the idea of Larry Stylinson. Which is a relationship between youtuber Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles. It's a bit-" I can't here anything else the reporter is saying my ears are ringing. I start to shake. How could this happen? Is this Harry's way of breaking up with me? He can't just turn straight. Unless he was bisexual. Is he bisexual? How could this happen? Fuck me! Fuck my life! My fucking shitty life!

To Hazza <3

Goodbye.

Harry's POV

How could I let this happen? Louis probably thinks I've turned straight or something. But in true fact I love him. Taylor is just what we call a beard. A beard is someone who goes out with a gay person to hide that he or she is gay. Very confusing I know. Fuck I've screwed up big time. How could I let myself get attached when I knew we couldn't be together?

"Harry it's for the best. We can't have you being a faggot"

"Fuck you Martin!" Zayn shouts to him. Shooting him a glare. He sits next to me. I snuggle into Niall and start crying. I hate feeling so vulnerable. I feel weak. My body feels like its starting to shut down. It's all my fault. I don't want to be with Taylor. I have no a choice! We had a photo shoot wait kier and I had to kiss her. I feel so repulsed and disgusted. Niall's had rubs my back as I start weeping again. Liam and Zayn are up in Martins face now. They look angry. Niall is whispering soothing words to me but I can't hear him. All I hear is my heart pounding and a ringing in my ears. I start to sink into unconsciousness. As I do I see Zayn swing a punch to Martins face.